I don't have my belly button anymore...
It's true, yesterday I took a good look around and while you can tell, it's all but sewn up. I'm 20 years old with no belly button.
Now this sounds superficial, but this means alot more then the loss of a hole in my body to me. It's the reminder that I've had 4 surgeries in 14 months, the reminder that 3 of those were useless money grabbing surgeries from professionals who also stated/claimed they were "Specalists". I've been thinking and thinking and I feel like making an appointment just to go in and ask my last surgeon how he missed the fact endometriosis was growing through my vagina? How he missed the fact endometriosis had stuck my entire left side together? How endometriosis had attacked the nerves and tendons of the side and back of my pelvis and it was "an unbelievable mess". How he missed all of that? And now I also have adenmyosis...which I'll let him off with because it's not so easy to diagnose. But how did he miss the other? I know my endo is agressive but alot of that is left behind untreated endo..my 3rd surgery was January 20th..my 4th April 6th.
I'm not even sure anymore this surgery is working...I'm getting some peace, it's been a hell of a recovery but there is some peace. But somethings not sitting right...somethings begining to churn, something is begining to feel like endo pain again it's starting from the top.... But I am going to try and make the best of what little peace I have, even if I only get 1 month. I am going to make sure my next surgery is 6 month to 1 year away though if I need another at all. And, if I do, it will probably be my last, unless I a) need it to help me get pregnant or b) have a hysterectomy. I can't do this to my body, if it doesn't work, it's a sure sign surgery isn't my answer either.
I absolutely adore my doctor though, he really truely tried, you should see my pictures, his patient care is also amazing. He saw my other doctors at a conference a few weeks before, he said he said nothing but he wanted to...Because he said I am a mess and it's partially their fault.
He said in RE: to endo it shouldn't effect my fertility right now...adenymosis though is another ball game..and considering kids arn't in my near future endo will come back into play especially if I feel the pain creeping back. I know I'm healing I do.. I also know the very big difference between endo pain and healing pain.
I trusted doctors for the better half of my life to help me...I trusted doctors to be able to make the right choices and I thought I made informed decisions. I didn't and you know how I know this now more than ever.....
I don't have a belly button anymore, and I should.
Now this sounds superficial, but this means alot more then the loss of a hole in my body to me. It's the reminder that I've had 4 surgeries in 14 months, the reminder that 3 of those were useless money grabbing surgeries from professionals who also stated/claimed they were "Specalists". I've been thinking and thinking and I feel like making an appointment just to go in and ask my last surgeon how he missed the fact endometriosis was growing through my vagina? How he missed the fact endometriosis had stuck my entire left side together? How endometriosis had attacked the nerves and tendons of the side and back of my pelvis and it was "an unbelievable mess". How he missed all of that? And now I also have adenmyosis...which I'll let him off with because it's not so easy to diagnose. But how did he miss the other? I know my endo is agressive but alot of that is left behind untreated endo..my 3rd surgery was January 20th..my 4th April 6th.
I'm not even sure anymore this surgery is working...I'm getting some peace, it's been a hell of a recovery but there is some peace. But somethings not sitting right...somethings begining to churn, something is begining to feel like endo pain again it's starting from the top.... But I am going to try and make the best of what little peace I have, even if I only get 1 month. I am going to make sure my next surgery is 6 month to 1 year away though if I need another at all. And, if I do, it will probably be my last, unless I a) need it to help me get pregnant or b) have a hysterectomy. I can't do this to my body, if it doesn't work, it's a sure sign surgery isn't my answer either.
I absolutely adore my doctor though, he really truely tried, you should see my pictures, his patient care is also amazing. He saw my other doctors at a conference a few weeks before, he said he said nothing but he wanted to...Because he said I am a mess and it's partially their fault.
He said in RE: to endo it shouldn't effect my fertility right now...adenymosis though is another ball game..and considering kids arn't in my near future endo will come back into play especially if I feel the pain creeping back. I know I'm healing I do.. I also know the very big difference between endo pain and healing pain.
I trusted doctors for the better half of my life to help me...I trusted doctors to be able to make the right choices and I thought I made informed decisions. I didn't and you know how I know this now more than ever.....
I don't have a belly button anymore, and I should.
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