I don\'t get it.

I wish I had a way to block all my memories of my ex girlfriend. Yesterday I smoked so much weed it was uncontrollable. I found myself so depressed that I was walking down the street all alone. I was at my friends house where we just smoking the whole night. All I was thinking about was the way she smiled at me. The way she looked at me when we broke up was lingering in my mind I didn't want that to happen to us. I was so sad that night. I was laying in the bed just realizing her face that I will never get to touch... I locked myself out from all good that has come my way. I blocked all of humanity for two hours as I milked up the room. I couldn't let her get the best of me. Sometimes goodbye is the only way, I have my track meet tommarow and I am not even nervous. I never feel this way, I am usually always nervous. I hope I don't do bad this will surley end my chances of going to college even though I he way have all of next year to go.  I have a history test tommarrow, Math test, and I am loosing my mind. I revolve my whole world around her and she dosn't show me a hint of respect. What did I do to deserve this punishment. I wonder about the things I had done to make her feel the way she does now. I wonder what she does feel... I always want to know what is on her mind, or ever wonder if she has a soft spot in her heart for me.  I want to live in a world where no one knows who I am. I don't want to exsist. or if I exsist I want her by my side. this seems like this is the only way. This is so stupid, I am so stupid........ stupid, stupid, stupid. I wish I had her right now then I could be happy for a little while. Instead of drugs I would be getting hugs but this isnt the case and I have a hard time accepting that. =[