I don't get it
Dear sisters of the heart - I simply want to say "thank you" to all of you who have been there ,through this virtual world when others have not been there or could not be. Thank you, this holiday season, for continuing to be thoughtful with heart felt words when I just don't have the words to tell you how I'm feeling. Thank you for being my life line when I truly feel my life has no line anymore.
THANK YOU!!!
This week-end was one of the most emotional week-ends I have had in a long time - not only did we say good-bye to our Buddie, a jack russel who has been part of our family for 16 years, but it sent me down a rabbit hole where I was questioning everything again. I saw my husband sob over Buddie and yet did not shed a tear for my daughter. I saw my husband watch endless videos of Buddie, swimming, riding a jet ski and crying - yet never mentions my daughter's name......yes, sisters, I went down a rabbit hole, still trying to climb out this morning - my heart is broken - am I the only one who keeps my daughter alive in my family? Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, I miss you so much and the tears are endless this weekend and this morning - send me a sign my sweet daughter....I love you!
With all that I feel today, let's be kind to one another. A few more hugs, a few more I'm sorry, a few more I love you, a few more I got your back......that's what I love about these group of moms.....it's their heart, who daily walk with me, THANK YOU!
Replies
Oh, Vicki I'm so sorry for the loss of Buddie and the only thing that comes into my mind about your husband not showing this kind of emotion around Jennifer confuses me as well. Is he doing the "man thing" that some do by not wanting to "upset" you by showing his emotions? Are you able to let him know what you have observed and that it is baffling to you and you want to try to understand it without his going into a defending mode?
Please know that my heart is with you and I'm so terribly sorry that this was such a painful weekend.
With you and caring so very much~ Thank goodness we have one another ALL year round. I'm so very grateful as well.
XO Joanie
I’m so sorry sweet friend. I often wonder too if I never mentioned Kala, who would...
This time of year is hard enough....add the loss of your precious Buddie....and feeling alone in your grieving....well no wonder you fell down the rabbit hole.
This is surely the time we all need to be kinder, more patient, and show our support for each other.
I am hugging you with my whole heart and am here if you need to cry, scream or vent.
I love you!
I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Buddy. Our fur babies are a member of the family for sure and I know.
My husband also kept his grief locked up...he says to be strong for me...maybe so. I know for a long time I felt if I
started crying or speaking his name the floodgates would open never to close...
Thank God I finally did after a few weeks of nothingness...
When I lost my yellow lab a few years later, I sobbed and sobbed it opened that whole grieving/loss pit again and
It was like I was reliving the loss of my son, mother in law, my good friend and my fur baby all at the same time....like it
was added to the firepit.
Gentle hugs,
AnnM
You all surely have great insight!! I did express my hurt about my daughter and no tears from Jim, but in other ways he was there for me after Jennifer left this earth, that speak volumes about his caring and love for me so......maybe I just want someone in the rabbit hole with me?.....anyway - my emotions will even out again (soon I hope) and I thank you for your heartfelt responses. Vicki
I'm so sorry about your painful weekend, Vicki. It's always hard to say goodbye to a much- loved fur baby. The issue of your husband not mentioning Jennifer's name reminds me of my husband never mentioning Charlie. It's heartbreaking for sure. Why they do it is anybody's guess. Maybe they're afraid of re-opening old wounds, but the wounds are there anyway because they really never leave in the first place.
I probably would cry if we talked about him or maybe even if we just said his name. But this is ignoring the fact that Jennifer & Charlie LIVED!! I can definitely relate to what you're saying! Hang in there, dear SOTH & message me if you feel like talking; I care & understand. You are in my prayers.
Love & Hugs, Donna
Oh Vicki. I am so sorry. I wish I could be there to give you a huge real hug. It is a double whammy for you.
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer!! She is not forgotten. The loss of a beloved pet can open the flood gates.
My son 'was strong' when Lisa died but he wept when he had to say good bye to Data Dog. I know for a fact that he was devastated when Lisa died.
I think the only people who truly get us, is us. I recall when my mother died, Joe was stoic. He took over child care duties, and tried to be 'strong' for me as I was a basket case. Mom was only 59. A few days later, we were driving. I looked over and he was weeping. I had him pull over and asked him if he was okay. He said "You can only be strong for so long". Im not sure if that is relevant but as I read journals, memories flood in.
Love and tight hugs, Marlene - Lisa's mom
Sounds like a rough weekend. I sometimes feel like if I didn't talk about Jeff, who would? My husband doesn't want to discuss anything that brings me to tears. I think, too, about wanting someone in the hole with me too. So sorry about your Buddy. This time of year is rough on us all too.
Tight hugs to you....Nell
I am so sorry to hear about Buddy. Yes, I understand how you feel about your husband's lack of emotions, concerning your Jennifer's passing. Since Colleen's passing, my relatives have all acted in similar ways. Not one of them will ever mention her name, but they will discuss other's deaths with loads of passion!
We don't understand why, but those actions really hurt.
Gentle hugs to you, dear Vicki. xxx
Vicki, I'm so very sorry about your sweet Buddie. It's so hard to say goodbye to our fur babies and it brings up the pain of losing our dear ones!
I wonder if Jim let his emotions out if he is just afraid he would never be able to stop crying about dearest Jennifer? Just a thought. Sometimes I fight letting it out for fear I'll not ever stop weeping, crying, screaming, ever again. I'm sorry his behavior caused you pain. As Joanie said, perhaps you could explain that his behavior is baffling to you and see what he says.
Vicki, Jennifer is loved and remembered here. I have grown to love her through your eyes and heart and that beautiful son of hers. But it does hurt...I understand. As Andelene said, no family speaks of Ed (except his children) but will even speak of a celebrity's passing with much sadness. I don't get it.
Thank goodness we have each other - I feel like my SOTHS are the only ones who understand.
Sending you and Jennifer tons of love. Prayers for the days ahead to be gentler.
Tight hugs, Linda
Losing our fur babies is bad enough, but feeling like you are the only one who grieved over Jennifer......If he did not cry over the loss of his daughter, I do not understand. My hubby cried for a short time then he decided he should be strong and try to fix my grief. I will never understand men, maybe I don't want too.
Sending you tight hugs
Penny
Vicki, so so sorry about Buddy. It is true men deal with this loss so so different than we do. When my hubby mentions the girls, which is not often enough for me, I always praise him so he knows how much I appreciate it. Don't worry I am in that hole with you remembering our Jennifer's and Marissa, Hope they are dancing and singing up a storm. Peace!!