I don't even know

Today is the one year anniversary of me getting raped. I've spent so long just trying to get through this alone, but couldn't so I started going to therapy again, it just seems like nothing works. I have been alone crying in my room all day wishing I had someone, anyone to call out to, but it seems like everyone around me just leaves. I'm always here for people, but it seems like no one is ever here for me. I'm just so tired of feeling worthless. Honestly I'm just tired in general, keeping up a false identity and a fake smile get so exhausting. I want to give up, I'm in no way saying that I am going to kill myself because I'm not, I just want to disappear for a while.