I didn't go - why didn't I go
He screamed at me. He got drunk and angry and obnoxious and stupid. Started misquoting the bible and all kinds of stupid shit. I said I can't talk to you when you get like this. I said you're talking at me not to me. You're drunk and looking for a fight. Then he started screaming at me. "You f**ing bitch. I just f**ing buried my mom. You piece of shit". And so on.
I started shaking. I went in the spare room and shook. I'm still in the spare room and I'm still shaking.
Why didn't I f**ing go?
I feel so damn scared. So damn lost. So damn useless, even to myself.
I started shaking. I went in the spare room and shook. I'm still in the spare room and I'm still shaking.
Why didn't I f**ing go?
I feel so damn scared. So damn lost. So damn useless, even to myself.
Replies
oh, I\'m so sorry you have to deal with this, you don\'t deserve it. During my first marriage (was married 20 years and thought about leaving countless times) everyone said, one day you\'ll know it\'s time and you know what? One day I did know and I never looked back. You have been struggling far too long with these issues. One day you\'re going to KNOW it\'s time and you\'ll do it! It is up to you and only you to make that decision. Once the decision is made, you\'ll be able to take care of the necessary things to make it happen and like me wonder why it took you so long to do it.
Please be safe, please fight for your self........
I\'m really sorry to read this... I realize it\'s complex and it\'s not black-and-white but this is out-and-out ABUSE and it\'s clearly creating trauma. You don\'t just up and walk away for a number of reasons and you need to discuss those reasons one by one (as well as the fact that you hate yourself for not being able to act) with someone qualified and uninvolved. Have you ever called or could you call an abuse hotline?
I left. I\'m outside the women\'s crisis center now. Thank you all
I am SO GLAD to hear this. You\'ve just made my day.