I did it again

I did it again, and I have no excuse, I just thought I could win and pay off some bills, instead I LOST, why do I do this, I wish I had the answer, I am so embarrased and I should not be commenting on anyone's journal, I can;t even help myself, how can I help anyone else. I am a failure, at least I feel like one. I am going to a real G.A. meeting, I will go on Wednesday to one, and stand up there, hi my name is Mindy and I am a gambler, maybe I will feel better. I will start all over again, day 1 tomorrow. No more, I can't deal with this crap anymore. I just dig a deeper hole and I am stuck in it. I guess I should go to bed now since I have work, I did not do any school work or anything, I guess doing over the weekend will keep me busy, my brothers girlfriend wants me to come over after work, but you know what, I need to tell her no, I just want to be left alone, my husband will be working and she does not even think I gamble, I am such a liar to mostly everyone, I can't even fess up to my husband anymore, I guess some things are better left unsaid for now anyway, he is right though why go to school and major in business management, when I do this, I feel like I will never be normal, I go to work to pay off this debt on which I create, and just make things worse. Sorry for venting to everyone, but I just can't take it anymore. I will say goodnight and tomorrow is another day.  Hugs, Mindy