I choose me

Wow. Just wow. Looking at where I am now and where I was just a year ago I am amazed. I learned how strong I really am when I had to be. I struggle with the disease of addiction and for 6 years I suffered and made everyone around me suffer too. I have over a year in recovery and am happier than ive ever been in my enire life, actually im "content". Which to me is better than "happy" because being happy is temporary, nobody could ever always be happy and if you are than you might wanna take a look at that lol  All I ever wanted in my life was to be content, its more of a serene, peaceful state of mind. My life has alwys been in some form of discordance I lived in fight or flight mode to survive as a child. I don't say that for pity, I say that to say that my natural state of mind is panic mode, tense and hyper aware of emotions and moods of the people around me so that I could decide to hide or not. Im very much of an empath because of this. Yikes I just went off on a tangent there ... back to me finally being content... I finally know who I am and care about myself enough to know what I want and deserve (which aren't always one in the same) It's probably crazy to say but im grateful to have been an addict. I realized how very resourceful I can be and that if I want something I can make it happen. I was so creative. I could sell the sock on your feet to you. Now I use my powers for good not evil lol
I am far from perfect and I have to strive everyday to remain humble and grateful. I have so many other behaviors that still qualify me as an addict because I can turn simple things into obsessions, which essentially that's what addiction is, chemical, material, human activities heck I could go on.
I'm not ashamed of saying Hi, my name is Di and i'm an addict. I m proud to say that because addics are some of the strongest people youll ever have the pleasure of meeting. imagine battling a war every minute of you day with the most iinsidious nemesis you can imagine and that's what we do. While youre deciding what flavor of coffee to choose, we decide to choose to do exactly opposite of what we actually want to do, no, what we feel is absolutely necessary to do. Like the urgency to breathe when your lungs are starved for oxygen when you're drowning...or brains have changed from the chemicals to convince an addict of the same urgency for the drugs. But Ive come a long long way. And just for today I choose Me.