I cant even cry

just to warn you im about to let off steam..... I havent taken laxatives, purged, binged or done anything im not suppose to do so why do i feel so crap? ive been so extremely tired this week yet i just cant sleep, i lay wide awake in bed. I strive to stay awake in the day so i sleep at night but i still cant sleep. My head is spinning i fell a bit light headed and my stomach hurts so much its burning and i feel sick! AGHHH what does it matter? i take laxative and i feel crap and i dont take them and i feel crap roll on the weekend wen i can let all the bad out with my laxatives. I dont ask for much just to be able to sleep but apparently thats too much. i so badly want to cut to numb the pain. I ate choclate cookie cake today and now i feel like a lardy cookie i let the chocolate beat me. i lost to a cookie. why why why. I cant even cry i dont expect anyone to care too much why should they?