I cant do this anymore
I know this entry may piss a lot of you off and believe me thats not what I'm trying to do. I want you all to know that I love you all and will always be grateful to eveyone here. Without you all I would never be able to survive this. But sometimes I feel like I cant do it anymore. I feel like I am feeling whatever I am reading at the moment. If one of you is having a good day and have made it over a huge hurdle then so do I. If your sad and miserable and missing your loved one then so am I. I cant handle it. I luv you all but I dont want to be stuck in my grief for the rest of my life. I want to move on. I need to move on. I will always love Bruce but I dont want to be grieving him forever. I dont mind missing him,loving him and cherishing our memories but I DONT want to be longing for him to come home and holding me and telling me that he loves me. Wanting the things that I know I cant have just brings me pain. I dont want the pain anymore. I dont want to be on here 5years from now and feeling the same way and writing the same things. I want to get better. I'm not saying we dont all want that, I just need a break from it all. i luv you all but I dont want to need you I hope you hear what I'm trying to say. I hate feeling needy. I need to be strong.
Replies
I understand exactly what you are saying. I have felt the same way. I love all of you here on DS, but sometimes it is too hard to be on here. I keep coming back, but have felt like leaving because I can\'t heal if I am always reminded of the bad things that have happened to me and everyone. I care about everyone here, and don\'t want to lose touch, so it is hard to leave. I am not pissed at you. I truly understand and you have to do what you need to do for yourself. I hope you will check in occasionally and let us know how you are. I will truly miss hearing from you. Love carolyn
I don\'t think anyone here will be offended. Of course you want to move on, we can\'t dwell or live with the dead forever. If you\'re sensitive, which I\'m sure you are you are picking up the vibes of what others here are saying, and it\'s affecting your stability - I think we all feel that way - the pull of the emotions here is very strong - and all of us are at different stages of our grief process. Honey if you need to back off for awhile, I think everyone will consider your choice as a positive move for you.
Please do what\'s best for you - everyone here will still keep you in their thoughts and prayers - I know I will. Take care & have a good weekend. love & hugs
I know how you feel honey. I am not offended. Even though I am doing better, I don\'t want to leave, because maybe I can help someone else get to where I am now. I hope you continue to heal. Good luck, Sweetie. I will miss you. Love ya, Barbara
You have to do what is comfortable and whatever is needed for you to move on. I know everyone is at such different levels of grief, it can be so hard. I know that even when I hear of grief buddies moving on, I do get a twinge of jealousy but I also get that feeling that it IS going to happen for me. I sometimes, and I mean sometimes feel that I can maybe just help that person out a little bit who is at the beginning of their loss, I remember that all so much, and I will admit I do fall back there. I will miss you so much, but you truly NEED to do what is best for you. We all do. I hope you will check in, and keep sending photos now and then. A friend forever, Alice. Thank you for being there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We will always be here when you need us.No one will be hurt with you.I don\'t think I will ever leave because I have come to think of all of you as family..I don\'t take in many new friends now that is at their start of grief...I tend to keep my old family closer as we go on through our journey.I feel I need them to walk this journey with me...God Bless My friend.
Sorry you feel the way you do. People write hoping to help. If it huts you, it is sad. It takes time to grieve and you go through it at your own pace. You need to do what is right for you. Your life will move on in the way you choose. No one here can make that happen. It is up to you. We would love to continue supporting you. But if you choose otherwise, that is up to you. Do what is right for you. My best,
Becky
You are totally right to feel that you are strong enough to go on!! I am behind you 100%!!Please don\'t be a stranger here. I have loved being your friend.....love, Jeanne