i cant believe i cut again!

so as u may know i posted a discussion about me having cutwell i did it yet another timei want to stop, but i donttheres just so muchi mean my mom got mad and now she wont help me go thru some boxesi asked really nicely again and again but she said nohow can i trust shell help me with anything if she wont even help with some dumb boxesi know im prolly going about this all wrong but its just how i feel!and she being a real.....my sister even said it, even tho she basically always thinks that this time i think its the truthim so frustrated and depressedi almost told my friend my "big secret" u kno about my grandfatherand then i got a panic attacki dont want her to knowbut i do, so shell understand-not that she will anyways-wat im going thrushe just  doesnt get itwhich reminds meduring christmas my mom and dad went back home(we were at my grandparents)with my bro and sismy mom and dad were going to a concert and my bro and sis had to workwell i asked if i could come back too, even tho my mom was gonna come back up in two days, b/c i didnt want to stay up with my grandfatherbut she said noand shes like "wat u dont think ur uncle will protect u from ur ur big mean grandpa"and she said it all jokingly and it really hurt she prolly was just talking about how annoying he is and his rude commentsbuts its kinda like u know what he did to me wat do u think im gonna think u mean?and she never said anything about itor ever asked if im okand its just making feel worse!it hurts so muchi feel like my heart is litterally breakingand it makes me wanna scream b/c it hurts so badits not like my normal stabbing painsit like its ripping or just breakingit makes me wanna dienot that i dont wanna do that anyways...