I can't self-harm anymore

I don't know why, but when I get the urge to hurt myself, when I finally 'give in' and go get the blade, I can't do it.  I know it's a good thing.  But I don't know why I can't anymore.  Maybe I just know it won't help in the long run, maybe more ppl are praying, maybe it's cuz I'm memorizing Scriptures... who knows.
 
But I'm still suffering, I'm still dissociating, I'm still struggling with this STUPID anxiety.  I still need tons of sleep.  I'm frustrated with all that.  But I can't use self-harm to help it. 
 
I just want to get better.........