I Can't Just Bounce Back Like A Round Bottomed Clown
I am so pissed... I'm reading journal entries and writing to my friends here at Daily Strength... I see a hug... its from empty vessel... I'm so glad to hear from her... then I look at my two messages... They are from some fool named matins... who really cares who/what matins is... its more fraud stuff... congratulate me I refrained from saying the word that came to mind and put in stuff instead... anyway I have stuff cut and ready to paste here from where I decided not to rain on somebody else's journal so I can't immediately copy and paste it to report abuse... its ok... I'll do my journal entry now... I know there is more I'll want to add later... but its ok... heck yall we're obviously survivors of worse... stuff... than this... I wrote this in ref to a Journal entry... I broke down when I read the quote you mentioned Gavin's mama is having put on Gavin's headstone... I wish I'd thought of it when Ben and I were discussing Cara's headstone... It will take me a while but I really want to have that added to Cara's headstone... we kept it simple... her name dates of birth and death... and We Love You... its all true... but... My husband is getting sick and tired of waking up to find me in tears... what can I say... Honestly... I get tired of him wanting me to pop back up like a knock down clown toy... I probably shouldn't include this last... Richard has my permission to read my journal... but ... He's such a good man... I don't want to lose him... I love him a lot... Oh sometimes I feel bad... but then I keep plugging away at life... isn't that what we're all doing...
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one day at a time one second at a time one millisecond at a time some days..(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
I think my Christopher would love to meet your Richard. The reference to a knock-down clown toy sounds very much like the way I think he sees me. Only, in my case, I think he\'s wondering what mood/attitude I\'ll pop back up in/with. I\'ve spent a whole lot of time feeling guilty about the things he\'s had to deal with because of me. He didn\'t get children, he doesn\'t own all the neat toys guys with no children get to have, he doesn\'t have 10yrs of equity built up in the house, or the ability to retire at 50 and live like a king. But you know, he\'s realized things about himself and in his life that I don\'t think would have been available to him if he had married someone else. There are things we\'ve been through together that other couples might not have survived. I don\'t know how many women would have put up with the kind of traveling he\'s done for his job the last 12yrs and there have been other things..........
In any case, isn\'t one of the reasons we love them so because we\'ve survived so much? Because we have a shared history and it\'s traced throughout with pain? In fact, isn\'t that really what the vows of \"for better or worse\" really mean? Love is as fluid and changing as life itself, so to me that means it unfolds the way life does and it will be difficult and challenging at times. But for faith, hope and love, these three to abide, there must be trust. Trust that you can weather the storm, whatever it may bring. Because, in the end, we pop back up like a doll for almost everyone else in our world. We should be able to stay down on the floor for as long as we need to with the men we have pledged our lives to.