I Can't Help it I Feel So EXAUSTED!!!!

I thought by now I would be more together. Going on 7 months now since Doomsday and I still feel FRUSTRATED, MAD, ABANDONED, AND SIMPLY THROWN AWAY. I thought by now I would be a little more adjusted and most days I think I'M DOING OK but, other days I can't get up off the couch. I am stuck in " All work and no play makes T a royal B@#%H" ya know. When I come home and I find myself yelling at the dogs, yelling at the kids, yelling at myself, even yelling at GOD I know who I should be yelling at instead but unfortunatly as usual he manages to duck and let the crap hit everyone else. I just keep telling myself well, 7 months really isn't that long considering we were together 22 years. Then I say yah but it's only 5 more months until we hit the 1 year mark then what???? What if I get to a year and still feel this way????
I just keep holding on to hope and faith that one day it will be better. I don't want to be this aweful, lonely, angry, bitter woman I think I am becoming. I have sort of taken up refuge in my apartment. I really don't like to go out except to work. I just come home we have dinner play a couple board games watch a show on tv and go to bed. I just don't have the energy to do anything else right now. Friends invite me out but I don't want to go I don't know why????? I used to be very social the life of the party. My friends say " Come on T it's not fun if you don't go" I just keep saying i'm tired or I don't feel good. I got real upset at my best friend who told me " T if you keep doing this then he wins again" He already stole 22 years from you are you going to give him your future too"? I don't know why I just told her to SHUT UP!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THIS FEELS AND I DON'T WANT TO DATE. She keeps telling me to join E-harmony or Match.com like I need that BS right now.
How do I break out of this funk????? I thought once the legal stuff was done things would be easier but they are not. He still hasn't paid what he was COURT ORDERED TO PAY and now I may have to file Bankruptcy because of all the bills that have gone into collections since he walked out and has not helped me pay. I don't know why does he always get away with doing nothing???? I took him to court and I tried to have someone hold him accountable and responsible for his family and he just skips all around town like hahaha i'm still not going to pay now what are you going to do. The stress this causes me every month when the bills come due is just to much. I'm thinking of moving back to TEXAS my parents have offered for me and the kids to come and live with them for as long as it takes so I can save money and really START OVER. Maybe it would be better for Austin and I to be around my family and take this stress off me. I don't want to live like this anymore....................................

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweetie, first it takes time to grieve that which we have lost and you also need to be good to yourself and take time for yourself as well. Please do not be hard on yourself, but gentle. You also need to do what is right for you and your children. You will feel better day by day as you go through the process and always remember the breathe.

I also believe that the reason you are feeling anger is that you are upset by how he treated you and the children and what happened is not your fault.

When you are ready and have taken all the time that you need then and only then will you think about dating again.

I am here for you always.
cwalla
cwalla

Just keep writing on here - venting is ALWAYS a good thing. I know 7 months seems like an eternity, but the grieving process will run its course. I know this for a fact..... ((HUGS))
trisha9054
trisha9054

It will take longer than 7 months to get over your long term marriage. No one can give you a time frame. Until the ex pays what he owes you are still in the divorce process.

I\'m over three years post divorce and I\'m just now getting my life in order. I\'ve had the ex back in court twice because of my alimony. It took a year and the two hearings to convince him he better pay or he would go to jail. See about getting the dead beat back in court.

You are very wise to know you are not ready to date. Your friends mean well but you will know when you are ready to start dating again. Just keep writing on here and vent all you need to. It will get better in time.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi

T, the others have pointed out the important things you should keep in mind. And KNOW that at 7 months, you are lot farther ahead in the game than I was! I didn\'t even FILE for divorcre until the 9 month point -- and it took another 9 months to get it done!
From what you wrote here, I believe you are DEPRESSED. Did you know that DEPRESSION is ANGER TURNED INWARD?
And it\'s PERFECTLY OK to be ANGRY! If you are like me, a lot of your anger is actually anger at YOURSELF -- for putting up with his crap all those years and not taking a stand for yourself! -- not getting right in his face and saying, \"Ok, Bozo! Listen up! THIS is the way things are going to be from here on out!\" Am I right?
While I agree that sitting at home in order to AVOID having contact with people is ok sometimes, and while I TOTALLY DISAGREE with the idea of dating right now, it probably WOULD BE GOOD for you to break out of your work-go home-sit and do nothing routine maybe once a week or even every other week. Check out meetups.com for a list of groups that get together in your area. They all have different common interests and you may be pleasantly surprised!
In the meantime, I agree wholeheartedly with Trisha9054 to keep that legal ball rolling! If the stbx AGREED TO PAY, then he must be held to that agreement. It\'s tough, but it\'s not going to happen if you don\'t keep pushing!
Big hugs to you this morning.
new2free
new2free

I reiterate what everyone else has already said here T.
Don\'t be so hard on yourself.....it is ONLY 7 months.......I know that feels like a lifetime, but if you consider how long you were married, it is a mere drop in the ocean of time.
You have achieved so much in that 7 months.....just remember that and give yourself credit for it too!!
I know your friend irritated you with her comment about not allowing him to steal your future too, irritated the heck out of you at the time, but she is meaning well and just wants you to be your happy self again sometime. She just doesn\'t want you to be destroyed and lost for good because of your current circumstances.
You will get to that point in time when you can be that happy person again, but right now all your energy is being sapped by just having to deal with everything and trying to keep moving forward one step at a time.
Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself that time to rest and regain your strength. Don\'t beat up on yourself when you do.
I pray that you do find a way to get your ex to \"man up\" to his responsibilities and pay up what he is court ordered to pay. Get the court system to do that for you!!
Take care of yourself T, and you are not your current circumstances. You are still that wonderful, happy, fun-loving person - you are just having a really tough time at the moment, and that will not define who you will be forever!! You will find yourself emerging from this once again in time!! Good luck with some very tough decisions you have to make!!