i can do it like a brother, do it like a dude.....

Ooookk....so where do i start... :) Hi everyone and thanx for the comments on my journal. These has been hard, well, the hardest time of my life and i can say with a smile im a changed person....No the question is good or bad ..right? It never was about that. I am changing to move to the happier side of life and introducing happier side to our daughter aswell. I just feel its best we seperate for now. Im not angry or hate him, nor do i fear him, i just believ this is the right thing for us now...maybe i might be wrong. This whole time i wish someone will just tell me to keep holding on and try doing something better like in the movie Fireproof. That guy's dad said give it one more shot, try this.... I wished that sooo badly, yet i had it coming another way.Now..should i just then do it? Its still very hard, but my future and that of our child is just soo much more clear. Obviously does that sound much more rewarding. And i believe it is. BUT that something in my heart still feels like, what is life if you know you didnt fight for something till the better end? I did fight, i promise, but wont say till the bitter end cause i am still alive....or did shakespear not mean literally....LOL...i dont know...after how many talks with my dad, i have new hope. Even if i think of Chris and how much i want him to be part of my hope and happiness i feel inside. I just want happiness for him, and i know i am going to break his heart . ( Just thinking of that breaks mine...)....There im back on the darn scale again and cant decide....ai jai jai....