I cry...

I cry… I broke down and cried this morning. I cry that I may lose the best girl of my life because my mind is today broken. I cry about how simple my life was and how I ruined that time by trying to live a dream that has now become my nightmare. I cry that my mistake will take years to resolve but I can’t handle the pain another minute. I cry about how I’m hurting my loved ones by bringing them stress over my mental health. I cry over the joyless state I have been living in 24/7 day after day. I cry about the past days when my anxiety/depression was little more then an annoyance….and I cry about the cold, unknown future that seems so black and hopeless right now. I cry because nothing I do seems to relieve the horrible feeling inside me. I cry because I feel I’ve destroyed my own future and that of my loving girl. I cry over the days, months, years wasted living with depression. I cry over not getting help long before the last few weeks. I cry when I think of my past happiness and how fleeting it seemed. I cry that therapy and medicine may never help and I live this torment forever. Some day I’ll cry…I’ll cry tears of joy when one day this veil of hopeless despair is lifted…I’ll cry tears of laughter when that day comes I can laugh again…and I’ll cry tears of prayer that I never, never see this hell again…. I’m crying as I write this journal…but the bad tears will ends soon…and the good tears will begin! God bless us all who are tormented with this illness right now. Someday soon we will live again! Please God let it be soon for us all!!