i blew my resolve already
yesterday was a tough day for me..... started off with the not really so important ,but frustrating, task of housebreaking my pup (what was i thinking-lol). ... got a speeding ticket on my way to work...(haha i was actually saying my prayers while driving),work was busy, and i had/ have a toothache. i also was contemplating a one hour drive after work to visit my mother in the rehab unit where she is recovering from a hip fracture. (Phew... it makes me stressed just writing it!!!) any how , i called home to check on something and mention to AH that i was considering visiting mom on another day this week. he went freakin ballistic cursing my sisters and my family dynamics, telling me he was protecting my ass from the family politics, saying i needed to make a "command decision and stick to it" ????????? REALLY??????? i am thinking i was messing up the getting high schedule. so i went to see my mom because i would only be resentful and start a fight if i went home. my visit with her was worth it.when i finally got home...falling asleep at the wheel btw, no plate of dinner for me, nothing.... so i asked if there was dinner, he begrudgingly asks if he needs to fix me a plate. no thanks wouldnt want to make a mess.
this morning i get up 1/2 hour early at 5 am so i have a little extra time to deal with puppy and make sure i leave not a crumb for the (not working) idiot. he comes down with barely a hello puts his nose in the newspaper and thats it: i am INVISIBLE.Ya know what? at this point all i want is a little respect and some aknowledgement that i am a freaking human being. he says he is not trying to hurt me he is just in his own world. i REFUSE to be the only one trying to make this better. but still i challenged him asking,NO i was really begging for some kindness and attention. i hate when i do that(maybe i need to positive reinforcement myself each time i manage to not care: maybe a new pair of shoes or handbag or ear-rings yea...good idea) time to GIVE IT UP> HE JUST DOES NOT CARE HOW I FEEL. there will now be coffee cups every where he looks! (and lots of new shoes)
P.S. a smart man would call his wife at work about now to see if she was ok. if i manage not to call HIM today.....shopping1
this morning i get up 1/2 hour early at 5 am so i have a little extra time to deal with puppy and make sure i leave not a crumb for the (not working) idiot. he comes down with barely a hello puts his nose in the newspaper and thats it: i am INVISIBLE.Ya know what? at this point all i want is a little respect and some aknowledgement that i am a freaking human being. he says he is not trying to hurt me he is just in his own world. i REFUSE to be the only one trying to make this better. but still i challenged him asking,NO i was really begging for some kindness and attention. i hate when i do that(maybe i need to positive reinforcement myself each time i manage to not care: maybe a new pair of shoes or handbag or ear-rings yea...good idea) time to GIVE IT UP> HE JUST DOES NOT CARE HOW I FEEL. there will now be coffee cups every where he looks! (and lots of new shoes)
P.S. a smart man would call his wife at work about now to see if she was ok. if i manage not to call HIM today.....shopping1
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