I binged.
I binged and I could have stopped myself but i didn't and now i feel worse. alas - i stink! I just want to be nice and skinny!!! too much to ask? Maybe i did it because I feel fat and just gave up, or maybe because my boyf called me a bad gf and now we're having a fight.pah.
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Hi there....man I feel for you. So so so so have been there. I have found that relationship stress triggers my bingeing compulsion. It\'s like I try to numb/escape/aneathetise/stuff down the unbearable feelings.
When I have \"unbearable feelings\" I don\'t seem to have the strength or courage or skills to kind of deal with them, and so I think that\'s when the compulsive behaviours/urges kick in. Kind of like it\'s the only survival kit I know.....even though I loathe the effects of bingeing and hate myself for it I still do it to ease the pain. I kinda see it as a similar thing to drugs or alchohol, smoking, gambling addictions. Any substance that I compulsively turn to to cope. It\'s so sad and so frustrating.
I also think that way of coping becomes an ingrained habit, so even if the desire to change is there you\'re fighting the power of the habit. That\'s why it\'s so damn difficult.
I am about 10wks pregnant at the moment and my motivations for eating/exercise change dramatically. Because I feel sick I have to nibble.....my reason for eating becomes slightly different. When I was pregnant with my son (and breast-feeding) my bingeing habits faded away quite a bit, cos my body and emotions were focused on bub. New habits had a chance to establish. But once my boy was a year or so, back they came....back came the binging when I got down or stressed. Arrrrgh. Old habits die hard.
This is flippin long sorry. I do feel for you soooo very much. Relationships with men/others are so difficult; I have enough trouble relating to myself let alone my husband (we\'re in a really bad place at the mo).
Anyway, my heart goes out to you. I know the cycle. The pain.