I Believe I Deserve Better

All of my life I have wanted someone to have my back.  My husband crushed me when his "friend" went psycho on the kids and me at a party at our house.  He was out of the room when she did it, so he didn't see it, but every time the subject came up, he made excuses for her.  It really hurt that he didn't appear to be on my team...how little did I know how much he was on her team!  I am a very faithful and loyal person, and I believe I deserve the same in return.  I am sad to say that I have never been with a man who did have my back.  I did a lot of self help before I met my husband, and I really thought I was choosing a man for all of the right reasons.  Looking back, there were signs over the years that I ignored.  I believe with my soul that I deserve to have a man as faithful and true as I am.  It is with a lump in my throat and tears in me eyes that I face the fact that I may never find one.  My heart is just broken.  It would be so much easier to go into denial and stay with him.  He is on his best behavior and can't quit telling me how sorry he is.  Sometimes I start to believe him and entertain the idea of staying with him, but I know I deserve better.  Even though his relationship with her wasn't physical, I know that the man of my dreams is not texting someone else about how much he misses her.