I am trying to be alright with the decison I made for my son

He is 23 and I know he is an adult but I have encouraged him to spend Some part of the Christ mas holiday with his biological dad. He hasn't had that type of relationship with him since he was 7. This has been so hard for me because I am not sure the change in him is real or not. My head and my heart  war alll the time over this. I am going to trust my heart on this one until Tom proves to me that he can't be trusted. There is a big part of me that is not trusting him but there is the little bit that trusts him that I am following. Do you know how hard it is to trust him when he is the man who beat and raped me. But ir is the right thing to do and I have a lot of anxiety about it. Plus  this is the first time in our lives that we have been separated. I am going to be spending Christmas completely alone. My sister disowned me 4 months ago and I am not welcome in her house but she is gonna be gone anyway on Christmas. I am so tired and I want this visit to be over so I know what the out come will be. Michael is my pride and joy and I don't want him hurt again. But I know the Lord and my mom and dad are watching over him.