I AM TIRED

Today was a rough day at work. A lot of the people I work with were acting out of whatever was going on in their lives at the present moment. I am exhausted. What I must realize is that the people I am in contact with all have a mental health diagnosis, but it can still trigger my issues.  At least I am aware of that.  Had one member say behind my back that I was a fucker.  Another member told me.  I have been sensitive to him and what he went thru as a child.  That still does not excuse his behavior.  He is a user and plays on peoples vunerability.  Another person said that I do not respect them.  Another lie, since I KNOW deep in my heart I care and show it.  Am I doubting myself now, maybe.  I know that people see the soft side of me and think sometimes they capitalize on my softness.  But what i know about myself is I have limits and boundaries when it comes to be disrespected and lied about.  My task is to not internalize what is being said about me.  Easier said than done.  Today since no one chose to help and work as a team there was no lunch.  Since we as staff and members work as a team there was no cooperation by the members so another staff and myself did not do lunch.  Since we try to encourage a team effort there was none.  Many people were upset because there was no Lasagna today for lunch.  Oh well.  People were mad but as I see it, no cooperation from all people then nothing gets done.  It was a statement we as staff, David and i made and it was not received in a good way.  The people we guide and uplift and help will never get a job outside of this environment with the attitude I saw today.  Tomorrow I will go into work but know I will not be the friendly person I usually am.  I do that.  I tend to retreat when treated as a scapegoat.  Do that at home,  work is no different.  My hope is that at some point and I know it will happen I will get over this day.  I will not quit and find another job.  I am just stressed by the behavior I witnessed today.  At least I have staff who is empathetic and caring and allows us to vent our frustrations.    I think that the members see staff as larger than life instead of seeing us as human and vunerable and having a bad ourselves.  The staff I worked with said it has always been this way and the reason being there is one person who creates the dramas and people look up to her and follow along with her.  She weilds a lot of power with other member of the clubhouse.  I find her to be a very dangerous person because of her power over others.  She lures them in and sits back and watchs the drama played out.  She plays the victim role and has issues with the abuse she suffered as a child, but does not want to heal.  It is quite apparent.  I have suggested good books to read on sexual abuse but she does not want to read them, because I think she does not want to heal.  Just my perspective.   Think I will find a book that helps me to inspire and movitivate people in a mental health facility such as the one I work in.  Maybe I will get some ideas on how to better handle what happen today.  My hope is to work together for the benefit of all people who I work with.  Think right now I need some tools, some direction in how to do that.Tomorrow is another day .