I AM SUCH A COWARD

I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO BELIEVE WHAT I DID ON MONDAY.  MY DISGUST AT MY SELF, AND MY SORROW FOR MY ACTIONS, LEAVE MY MIND IN ANGUISHED SHAMBLES.  I JUST WALK AROUND AIMLESSLY, SHAKING MY HEAD IN DISBELIEF AT WHAT I ACTUALLY DID, AND HOW CLOSE I CAME TO DOING SOMETHING MUCH WORSE.  USUALLY, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH FORGIVING MYSELF, BUT THIS TIME, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO.  I DON'T DESERVE IT.  I BROKE MY ONLY RULE IN MY CHRISTIAN WALK, AND THAT IS DON'T HURT ANYONE OR ATTEMPT TO HURT ANYONE PHYSICALLY.  LET PEOPLE BE PEOPLE AND DON'T HURT ANYONE, AND I COULDN'T EVEN HANDLE THAT 1 SIMPLE RULE THAT I MADE FOR MY OWN SELF.    THINGS ARE BACK TO FINE IN LIFE AROUND ME, BUT I'M STILL GREATLY SHAKEN UP STEPPING BACK AND LOOKING AT MYSELF FROM AND OUTSIDE VIEW PERSPECTIVE AND THEN ASKING INTERNALLY "WHO ARE YOU?"  I DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE MYSELF ANYMORE, AND IT'S JUST PATHETICLY SAD.  THIS JUST CAME TO ME, AND IT IS SILLY, BUT I FEEL LIKE ALEX THE LION IN MADAGASGAR.  HE'S A NORMAL, LAID BACK, FUN-LOVING CHARACTER, AND THEN THINGS GET TURNED UPSIDE DOWN IN HIS WORLD AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE BITES(ATTACKS) HIS BEST FRIEND, AND THEN RUNS AWAY DISCUSTED BY WHAT HE DID AND CAGES HIS SELF UP TO PROTECT EVERYONE ELSE.  I'VE CAGED MYSELF UP TO TRY TO PROTECT EVERYBODY ELSE FROM THE MONSTER.  I ATTACKED A DEFENSLESS PERSON WITH A DEADLY WEAPON AND IT IS SOMETHING THAT WILL HAUNT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.ONCE AGAIN, THE LION IS A COWARD.