I Am Stuck and Off-Track

I can't stop eating all fattening delicious food.  Food, food, food is all I can think of lately.  I am afraid of weighing myself.  I have gained weight.  I feel it in my clothes they are so tight.  I cannot go for the full-by-pass surgery.  Too many complications.  I have discussed it with the doctors and I am so scared.  I did the band in the early 1980's and gained all my weight back.  So whats to say I will keep it off now?  I want an easier and softer way.  I want a magic pill.  I want to eat and be thin too.  I want to be healthy!  Oh I am so depressed.  I miss my baby doll, Yoda Mae.  I had a nice weekend with my friends and cousin we went out to dinner.  Music and a comedian.  We had fun.  Al came in and I sent him home with a goody-bag of  lasagna and bread pudding.  My cuz and I saw the new Richard Gere movie, it was awful.  it was nice to be with all my friends and loved ones.  I am so lucky and have so much to be grateful for.  But I want to be able to do so much and this weight and binging is stopping me dead in my tracks.  OH WELL.  Tomorrow is another day.