I am sorry.

I am sorry for all the pain I have caused to my friends and family.I am sorry that I can not the the thing everyone else thinks I should be.I am sorry I can not hold a job.I am sorry I have a hard time talking about certian topics.I am sorry I did not always do the all things I wanted to do.I am sorry I never told anyone face to face how I truly felt.I am sorry I let so many good friends go.I am sorry for the way I turned out.I am sorry for all the false attempts I have made to make myself better.I am sorry the people who really should be reading this never will.I am sorry that I had to lie to so many people.I am very sorry for almost everything that I have said. posted, typed, and thought seems I  can never do anything right the first, second, or even third time.I am sorry I never told a doctor or phychiatrist about anything that is going on.and mostly I am sorry I even made this stupid journal, maybe I am wrong maybe it wasnt worth it after all.To me everytime I tell someone how I feel or say Im doing fine or ok its all just a lie. A mask to cover the true pain inside from feelings of neglect and abandoment and now I can say "I have never felt so alone" that no matter what I say or do, I still feel like no one is actualy listening to what is inside of me and thats the part that makes me cry myself to sleep.I can't get any more honest then this and thats why I am sorry.