I am so tired of being SICK and tired
After living 13 yrs with this illness ,and having to raise two special need children on top of it. I am not sure how much more I can take physically, and emotionally. My fatigue,and pain is so bad most days that I feel I can't get out of bed, but don't have any choice. I have to pull myself out and into my wheelchair to get my children off to school,and then to keep up with the up keep of the house. Then the kids come home again and it's homework, and dinner time. During this time I have probably taken 3 naps maybe 4 and still have no relief, On top of it I have people telling me that it is all mental ,and if I would just get out of the house ,and get a job I would be all better. It is frustrating to continue to still be going through all this. Right now even though I have a diagnose I am being court ordered to get another evaluation because certain people in my life want to try prove it is mental on my part. This Angers me so. All I want in life is to have my life back, and if not ...I just want some restorative sleep, a day without feeling ill, pain,and all the other problems that comes with this illness, but most of all I would like some understanding. I don't think that is too much to ask especially since so many ask so much of me even though I am ill,and I mange to pull myself though. Even though it will cause my health to deteriorate more. I just wish they wold open their eyes and see what they are doing to me. I am feeling the worse I have ever felt in my 13yr of dealing with this illness, and that scares me. How much worse is it going to get for me if I can't take care of myself, and continue to push because I do not have a choice. This is how I am feeling right now ..... I wish I could show you the video that goes with this ,but I can't so here are the lyrics .....All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races Going nowhere, going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, no tomorrow And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very Mad World Mad world Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday And I feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson Look right through me, look right through me And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very Mad World Mad World Enlarging your world Mad World.
Replies
I hope you get another diagnose for fibromyalgia. It\'s awful to feel you must prove your illness, when you\'re too ill to even do this. I know just how you feel. I raised my youngest child while too ill. He\'s turned out to be a real blessing in my life, financially, and lovingly. They do grow up into more empathetic people. Hang in there, time does change our lives. The more the kids can do for themselves, the easier it will be for you. Let them do the dishes, or vacuum, or some chores in the house. Even little ones can fold laundry, socks, etc.
I feel so sorry for your continued struggle with no energy and the responsibility of two special needs children.I congratulate you for dragging yourself out of bed and being a devoted mother.The fact that you have to prove to others that you are genuinely ill is so very unfair.Unfortunately this has happened to many of us.Just remember that we here at DS are very real people who feel for you and care that you are struggling . You\'re doing your best.Things do change with time . Don\'t lose hope and every day look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a good person and you can get through this.Hugs strength and healing to you xo