I am so tired
Its 5 am.I have been up since 4:30.I cannot sleep..I have all these crazy thoughts running throught my head so I felt the need to come here and write..Its funny how on the outside things can seem so good.But on the inside you are hurting.I cried so much yesterday.I dont want to cry anymore but I cant stop it.I feel like a drug addict who is having withdrawals.I feel run down and beat up.You know what I was thinking about at 4:30?I want a cigarette..I havent smoked in over 3 years.but the urge was soooo bad .And I dont know why.I never wanted it again since I quit.Maybe its because if I did it I would be sneaking behind everyones back.Maybe because I know its bad..I could go home now and drink away my problems but I know once that was over the problems would still be there.I want to cry.I want to scream.I want to hurt somebody...I am tired of hurting myself but in my sick little world thats the only thing that makes me feel better..I dont even know why I am writing.i have all this pinned up energy/frustration and I cant get it out...I have to fight back the fucking tears cuz I cant work this way..And I dont want to go home alone..To the friends that have reached out to me in the last day or so , thank you..You know who you are and I do thank you very much...Its good to know there are people who care..Sorry for the pitiful vent.I dont want pity..I just need to unload all this crap..
Replies
it is not pitiful in anyway, but i am here if you need someone to listen,talk too or just yell at. just let me know if there is anyway i can help.
Whenever we complain (I know this happens to me), we are always worried that we are \"whining\" b/c we know many people out there have it WORSE than us.
But the thing is if you are in that much pain, Tracy, then you should vent on here. Otherwise, what good is DS??
We ARE here for you. We don\'t want to see a sweet woman like you in so much pain!
Do you go to a counselor at all for your problems?
What did you mean when you said that you tired \"of hurting myself\"
I\'m glad you wrote and WILL help in any way I can!!
It\'s good to unload...and do NOT ever feel like you\'re a burden, or whining, or anything like that. You have ALOT going on hon...I\'m always gonna be here for you. PM me, YM me, call me...I don\'t care...I don\'t want to see you hurt...or hurting yourself. I think you need to get away for awhile....from everything. That will clear your head. Love you baby!
Tray, you know how I feel about you, you are going through so much shit right now that you shouldn\'t have to. For such a kind loving tender person to be put through so much shit is just not right.
I am so sorry I have been gone this week Tray. It looks like you needed alot of love and I am so sorry I wasnt one of the many people to give you my support. I love you Tray and I hope our lives get better soon. I am still so lost. I have also spent a great deal crying. It seems so unfair.