I AM SO SICK OF STRESS AND BEING SICK!!!!!

Time for some more ramblings. First and most important TIM FINALLY SHOWED UP, it only took him a month. He paid me only 100.00 because he bought himself a bed. Ya know if he woud have followed through as soon as he moved he would have already been long done paying me. He promised (ya know I am not holding my breath) that he would have more this week. He also plans on every week until he has me paid off. I will believe it when I see all the money. My bank really screwed me over last month so now I am stressing how to get all my bills paid and start getting christmas presents for my grandbabes. I tried everything I could think of last week from payday loan, installment loans ( all high interest) credit cards etc. and was denied every way I turned then last Friday I got an offer for a credit card in the mail and was instantly approved, it should be here anyday so with that and Tim paying (God willing) I will be caught up and able to buy a few things. Am going to make them each an ornament so that is one thing down. 

Second I have been sick again for the last 6 weeks and we thought the pneumonia back so was on 2 more antibiotics and another script of prednisone. That actually made me worse so I talked to my pulmonologist today and had to rush in to the hospital for some chest x-rays. They came back clear except for scarring were it was originally sitting earlier this year. So he put me on a 10 day antibiotic thinking it is my sinuses and if this does not work I then have to go to an ear nose and throat doc. Had to cancel my sleep study for tomorrow night since I am sick we would not get an accurate reading. I am so tired of being sick, I have never had a year like this where I have had a total 6 weeks, not consecutive where I was feeling good and not on any extra meds. January can not come soon enough because I am praying it is just this year me being jinxed and next year will be good. 

God has blessed me though with a sweet earth angel who has been helping me out, not keeping track and not worrying about when I pay her back I feel so guilty though, she just shushes me and says if it would be hurting her she would not do she actually wishes she could do more. It is rare to find such a wonderful caring and loving friend as they are very rare.

Chuck and I still are talking often on the phone and he still makes me laugh and feel good everytime. The only issue is he does not believe that I am done done done with Tim other than I have to play nice until I am paid in full and have my own phone and am off his phone program. Then I want him to leave me alone and be out of my life for good as I have realized from day one he had an agenda and it was how could he get what he wanted for as long as he wanted it with keeping me in the dark. Well he did a darn good job of it. I do have to say though because of him I have some wonderful people in my life now while he is burning brdges left right up and down every which way he turns. He is not working a program but he did finally give up on the 30 year old meth head. She refuses to go into treatment and he has not spoken to her for a month or so he says. I have come to not believe a word he says and all he talks about is himself his job and all the crap he is buying for himself. He did make me a much stronger person and NO MORE ALCOHOLICS no matter how long they have been sober. 

Thats about it for now my fellow warriors. Hugs and Love to each of you,

Susie and Jerred as he is my sunshine and gives me strength to carry on.