I am so ready to give up
Between my health and Tim I really do not know how much more I can take. Tim did NOT show up this week like he said hewould and I really need that money. Why he thinks he could live here for free all those months I have no idea. I just am praying hard that he comes though next week. This just shows me more and more he really had an agenda and never really cared about me.
Yes I also believe all the stress he has put on me has made my health worse. I suffer from chronic intractable pain and am on disability for it. Having this makes my immune sytem weaker so I think that is why I am getting all the different thing I am. Thursday evening I got up to answer my phone at Joey's and my left leg was asleep, this is nothing new since I live with constant numbeness in my legs and feet as I have peripheral neuropathy. My ankle gave out and I almost went down it swelled instantly and hurts like crazy. Yesterday I went to the ortho clinic as a walk in and the PA is not sure if I broke my ankle or not due to all the swelling. SO I am now wearing my Herman Munster boot again this time on my left leg. Needless to say I am very unhappy about this. I also have been having weird things happen with my body going weak and me having no control over it and also I feel like at times I am going crazy I will be talking to someone on the phone and I have no clue what I am saying or them. They can't understand me as I go from topic to topic so fast plus I do not remember the conversation at all. They will tell me about at a later time and I believe them but it is starting to scare me. I am so glad that I see my doc this week as we have a lot to go over.
Like I said I am totally at the end of my rope and am so frustrated, angry, feeling sorry for myself. I told Nancy, my earth angel that with how bad things are right now I am allowing myself two days of pity pot party then kick my own butt and get back up and fight the fight that my cards were dealt to me. Hopefully that will be long enough.
thanks for listening to my pity party life stories. I love ya all.
Susie
Replies
You know what they say about when we reach the end of our ropes... Tie a knot and hang on. I'm sorry things have been so challenging and feel what you need to and then do everything that you can to heal and nurture yourself as YOU matter. It begins with us and when things get so crazy that is a time to cocoon, to heal and to sort through anything that we can change that might be begging for our attention. May you find moments of peace in the midst to catch your breath and remember that you are have within you just what you need for this very second. Sometimes one second at a time is all we can manage and that's okay.
Gentle care, healing hugs and YOU are not alone.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
I hear you. I definitely know that stress affects our physical health and our mental. I take Xanax but only a couple of times a week because I don't want to become dependent on it, but sometimes I have to pull myself back from the abyss. I want to say about Tim that maybe it wasn't that he is finding it hard to manage his money... I have a brother that is a leaner... no matter how much money he has he always has more wants than he has money... I truly believe he wants to be better but his very human selfishness puts his own 'needs' first and while having good intentions to return money he has been loaned during bad times he just can't quite do what he should... I don't think that Tim hasn't or isn't paying as he should means he never loved you... From where he was to where he is today... I think I would have loved you if I'd been him... for seeing he had value and helping him get up one more time... No matter what you did an awesomely wonderful thing. Sometimes as I know you know too well... we have to cry and let all the pain come out if only for a bit... and then we have to crawl back up and try again... I hope you'll gather your forces and find some peace. Hugs Elissa
I'm with you. Sometimes I have to have a bit of a pity party but I try not to make it my permanent residence. Gentle hugs and I hope you heal up quickly! Love, Linda
Thanks everyone for the comments. Please read my new entry as I have made some monumental discoveries just recently that I had not even realized about myself and Tim.
Hugs and love
Susie