I am so heartbroken

Me and my honey, have not been intimate for about week now. Just hugs, kisses, and company when we want, but nothing more. I feel like it's ending, I know this is not what I want, but who can change another persons mind. He has withdrew a whole bunch and I feel so lonely for the days when we used to laugh, and enjoy each other. I guess he was only in love with the illusion of me. I told him that in the beginning, that "I wasn't the picture I paint in the public, that my home life was messed up and if I were him I would run in the other direction and never turn back."
Needless to say he never listened. Now he says he is never leaving me, that I am stuck with him for the rest of our lives. I don't understand why. When he can't even stand to be around me and be my companion. He claims to love me, but I feel so unworthy of his love, and like a ugly stink duck when I am around him. He doesn't even compliment me anymore. I feel like a whining baby about this whole thing, but I need to vent about it somewhere. I don't try to create a romantic atmosphere, or beg and plead him for attn. If he shows he doesn't want me around I usually leave and find other things to do with my time, besides I have children who want to spend time with me, so I go and sit with them and play with them, or watch movies with them.
lol of course in the end the relationship and its problems will be "my fault", according to him. Which will be fine with me, because as long as I have my health, my children and am happy and love myself and take care of myself, than I am going to be ok. I will walk around with a "fake smile, as always" and "fake it" like he told me to. lol, can you believe that i "fake smile", I didn't know there was such a thing. If I smile its genuine.
He stayed up all night playing on his stupid ps2 and then expected me to "be quiet" when I got up and started getting ready for work. lol. I got in the shower and sang at the top of my lungs. I got out and got dressed and then when I was walking around in the room I was talking to him like he was awake. Then I told him, just remember how you feel when your up until 3am playing games and I am asleep.
But of course it's all about him and his needs, I am trying to be sympathetic to him at the same time, cause he went cold turkey from Mj. But at the same time these are the consequences of his actions. And I can't stop living just because his world came to an end, who says he is going to quit anyway, he will probably start back up when he begins working again. I am sorry that I feel that way, but he hasn't given up or thrown away his paraphenalia. So I doubt he is going to quit. My trust in his word has ended when he cheated on me. I believe almost nothing he says. I tried to rebuild our relationship, and forgive him, but he has shown me nothing that says he is trying to be faithful.
I know that I am just dragging on my own misery by letting him stay, but I really don't want him to leave. But if he does, I know I will be ok. Just very heartbroken at another relationship lost.
The tickets have not been recovered, and my daughter dropped out of the race, which I am also extremely heartbroken about. But it was her choice to drop out and I have to respect that.
I only see things getting better from here on out, I can't see it getting worse. I just miss my mate, and feel heartbroken for my daughters, and I'm broke. lol.
Even in spite of all this, I feel a joy inside me, like I just want to burst out in song. "beauty for ashes" :D  Just count it all joy is what I heard someone say. I hope I have a good weekend. Great that I get to Journal here. Thank you Jesus for DS, and my new found friends here. :D