I am so frustrated

I stoped SI for over 2 months, but I relapsed and I am trying to stop, but it seems like I keep giving up. I have been making horrible decisions, lately and I feel like a terrible person. I resisted the urge last night, but it was mainly because I didn't want to stand up to get my blade. I felt if I stood up, I would fall apart. I just feel really alone. Any suggestions?