I am saying YES to life

The past year has been such a roller coaster ride for me. It was full of sadness, pain, laughter, love, frustration and many, many blessings. I learned alot about myself. The biggest thing is I, yes me, can have the life I want by choosing to heal. I can be HAPPY! Happy and not feel guilty that I am forgetting Jerred, mom, dad, my grandparents and all the others that I held on to so tightly, afraid that if I let go they would be gone forever. Yes they shed their earthly body yet they are still with me. I can feel them, they send me signs, they talk to me through my dreams. They have been a part of me all along I just did not realize it because I was holding on so tightly to the pain, the horrible pain of their deaths from this world. We all will die, it is part of all living things. Yes it hurts when it is someone we love dearly. And we need to FEEL and acknowledge that pain in order to begin to heal. Will I ever be fully healed while still on this earth, no I doubt it. I can be better though.  I will never be the person I was with them here again, I will and am working on being a better me because they were are a part of my life for the time they were living. 

This is a choice I have to make everyday. Sometimes many times a day. I will cry when needed for them as tears are a part of healing. I will use all the love they gave me to love others along their journey. I am done being stagnant and being in the pit of despair. Instead of wasting my energy on anger and guilt I will use it to make me the best person I can be. I forgive myself, I am learning to love the person I am at this moment. I owe this to myself and my loved ones, friends and enemies that are still here with me. I am working on forgiving those that have hurt me, as all it does by not forgiving is hurt me and I am so tired of living with pain and hurt when it is me hurting me by holding the grudges. Instead of being a dim light I choose to be a bright light for myself and others to heal and be happy.