I am not alone......I never knew

I just joined and after reading some of the discussions I almost went in to shock. All my life I have know something was strange, different and not normal about me. Not just one, two or even three things odd about me so many things. I have been able to cover up and get by without ever going to a doctor until recently. All the things I could not understand why I am that way, I see others on the board with the same issues. I except being weird but know I now others understand. I do not have anyone in my life I could talk to about these things. I try to deal without having anyone know but it is so lonely. My drinking started at 14 and now 35 I am trying to get it under control since that is just what I loose once the first sip of wine touches my lips. I have not had the manic side in a couple of months only the down funk and I miss the high. Will it ever come back? I am use to changing daily, weekly, hell even by the minute I could switch. I do not understand what to do to try to be more normal.