I am not ok

Every day someone will text or call me asking how I sm doing. In order to avoid all their questions and what can I do to help, I just tell them thst I am ok. I am not ok I want my hudband here. I miss him so much.  My heart is broken and he is never going to come back. I try snd tell myself that he is in a better place and that he is no longer in pain. That he is watching me from heaven. I sometimes think that he is here with me because since he died i have had a tingling sensation in my neck that i have never felt before. It has been a tough day i keep remembering everything that happened the day hed died. I can still see him and up for just a minute and mouth the words i love you.  I can still hear the doctor say that there is nothing else the can do.  I still wonder if i would have not said to take him off the vent if he would have made it. I love you babe, I miss you so much.