I am learning to deal with real life
I am a dreamer when life gets hard I drift away. I escape. either by playing video games or playing video machines such as slot machines.
I am a person who got caught up in the fantasy world of gaming betting and gambling casinos
I attended my first gamblers anonymous meeting on October 10th 2012. I was close to tears recalling how my life had been take over by gambling. Yes I have lost much money. But the worst thing that has happened to me is that I have lost my self respect and honor.
Its a damn shame. Gambling will never go away. People will always want to escape the pressures and difficulty of their lives and will always cling to the hope that just a little more money will make things a little easier. The money however is the fuel that feeds the addiction. At first you may win money and then go get something nice for you or someone you love. But then you go back to see how lucky you really are. Lets see if you can one up that pay out. whoops. i think i screwed up my money is gone. Well that left a bad taste in my mouth lets go back there and get that money back. And the pathetic cycle never ends. I have been gamble free for one month and twenty five days.
I am a person who got caught up in the fantasy world of gaming betting and gambling casinos
I attended my first gamblers anonymous meeting on October 10th 2012. I was close to tears recalling how my life had been take over by gambling. Yes I have lost much money. But the worst thing that has happened to me is that I have lost my self respect and honor.
Its a damn shame. Gambling will never go away. People will always want to escape the pressures and difficulty of their lives and will always cling to the hope that just a little more money will make things a little easier. The money however is the fuel that feeds the addiction. At first you may win money and then go get something nice for you or someone you love. But then you go back to see how lucky you really are. Lets see if you can one up that pay out. whoops. i think i screwed up my money is gone. Well that left a bad taste in my mouth lets go back there and get that money back. And the pathetic cycle never ends. I have been gamble free for one month and twenty five days.
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I like the therapy that this site gives a person. Its been one month 29 days since my last bet and Oh boy have I been tempted. I really need to get to a meeting but have been having car trouble. Need to use my contacts at least because Saturday was hell for me. I made it through and I march on. Sometimes I glimpse into the future and see two selves. One with betting and one without. The one without seems calm content strong solid almost regal. the other one is panicked reckless devious disappointing hopeless and ashamed. Most of all the one without betting made to decision to be leave betting behind and to let that part of him die with no fanfare just fade into a small forgotten footnote in the life of Kymell
I choose the non-better for the rest of my life. This is my identity now and this is how I want to be known.
over two months without a bet. still moving along
moving towards 90 days without a bet. I heard about the guy that got dumped by his girlfriend and then won 30 million in the lottery. Like one thing had anything to do with the other. Sometimes you think about how great life would be if you had a lot of money all of a sudden from blind luck. No punching a clock, all of sudden you have lots of options. That\'s not the kind of thing that would ever happen to a non-better like myself. I have to find another way to get rich legally. Why don\'t I have a greater desire to do wrong by going out and placing a bet just one bet? one scratch ticket, one lottery ticket. Never really had a problem with scratch or lotto tickets just the Casinos. Buying tickets? I am not feeling it don\'t know but It\'s like my brain has moved on. Don\'t get a kick out of dreaming about money anymore.
Actually they are not dreams they are just hail marys
KM, you know that lif without gambling is a better life. You need self-respect more than money. As CGs it isn\'t even about the money. It\'s about the bet. Chasing the high. Keep your eyes on the prize and keep moving forward. Forward to a better life. Take care ~atticus
I fell off the wagon, don\'t even feel worthy to write in my journal. My mistake was thinking I was smarter than the disease. You get your self respect back you feel good then you hand it right over along with your money. its torture to think you have been bested and now you have to pick up the pieces. damn I have to say to myself and to everyone that I\'m a big FAIL
starting over