I am just so sad.

This is the third time I have come on, I don't know why I stopped coming on after the 2nd time, I like the site and it would be nice to talk to people more. I guess I am just depressed. I am so used to being alone I am just stuck in lonely. I just realized I really just dont have anyone and I just wonder how I got here. I mean I know the bulk of how I got to where I am, but I wouldn't be exactly here if I wasn't so sick. Being sick and all these health problems have caused this whole year to be completely lonely. I can't go out meet new people do things. Last year I lost my best friend,  my family moved and my 4 year relationship ended. I am still stuck in those moments because I have gained nothing since then, other than personal growth which I am grateful for but I am just so lonely, so alone, so sick and just so sad. I hate this feeling and I don't want to be this person. I just want to be happy. I just wish I had friends and people who cared about me, people who called just to see how I was or people who were just genuinely interested in like things I had to say and had things to say back. The saddest thing is I am just so used to life being the way it is, I honestly can't even think of what it is like to have someone there who cares. It makes me sadder that I live with my own mother but she would never dare ask how I feel. I am not supposed to feel anything according to her, we just dont talk about that stuff. We only talk about what she wants or things shes interested in and I find myself frustrated, annoyed or even lonelier whenever we are speaking to a point I'd just rather not speak to her. I guess she is the root of why I long so badly for someone to care, my whole life I have been lacking it to a point I feel selfish or guilty wanting someone to care about me. I am a mess. I just want things to get better, I am trying so hard. It is a daily battle that I am dealing with inside my head and it is just getting harder being trapped inside this body of pain. Just needed to vent I guess I am done.