I AM GOING TO SCREAM.

oh my goddd. 
every time i do something right, it never seems to be enough. i am never enough.
so there i was, looking in the fridge for a diet soda. 
i was just about to tell my mom about how much weight i lost. 
then she blurts out and says, "better not be reaching for unhealthy food. you have to start eating very healthily, your belly is starting to get big again." 
i just cant take it where everyone is constantly monitoring what i do. i can make my own choices, and trust me that they will be the right ones. but if they arent,well, everything is something to learn and grow from. 
i am sooooo fulllllll, i just drank like 2 bottles of water, 4 cans of diet cream, and a venti passion tea unsweetened from starbucks. i am going to throw up, my stomach cant take it. i dont want to throw up, and i am not going to make myself, but if i do, it wont be the worst thing in the world. 
i am studying my ass off for finals. i am sooo ready for them to be over. not even joking i am so sick of everything. everyone is stressing me out. i bitch at everyone. i dont mean to, but it just happens. and when summer comes, i wil be at camp, outside all the time, and i will loose more weight and then ill be on a cruise, where i can have easy access to the gym (and food, but ill be super careful) and ill just clear my mind and body before next school year.