I am going to say goodbye to brad for good-7/24/09-vader

I have decided to 7/24/09 that I am going to say goodbye to Brad for good.I will never forget Brad..but I must move on and the guilt is still overwhelming me and I must snap out of this depression.I will never forget at all finding Brad dead on the grass.Brad had slit his wrists and it was a shock.He was talking to me on the 5/21/09 and his mind wasnt going.but he was sick from all of the drinking and he told me that he didnt want to die.I have had 3 loves in my life and all of them didnt work out..but i made a very bold decision.I am going back to work and i will work 2 or 3 jobs because I am going to stay in the house and I refuse to get a roommate.I have got privacy now and i also have the freedom to come and go and clean when I can.Life can be a bitch a famous actress said and it is true..but life is what you make it and I am forced to even give up friendships in seattle because we have nothing in common.I dont drink ,take drugs and i have never smoked pot and I refuse to.I am also not into vitamins,gyms,pilates or this healthy living.I dont go to malls because I cant afford to and I get all of my clothes free.but lately i have been clothes at value village and i go once a week.So if you are a exercise fantatic,,please do me a favor...stay away.Brad was into this before he died and it changed his personality.He began to tell me what foods we couldnt get and that the cats needed natural food..well this is what I am going to say to you..The Skeptic was founded in the 90s by the late scientist Carl Sagan.They researched all of these health claims and I believe mr.sagan.There is no scientic evidence that these machine ,lotions and oils can make you live longer.In fact,5 University of Washingto scientists researched all of these vitamins and claims and found that there are no evidence for some of their claims.The low fat diet was givento women who were in remission of breast cancer.The cancer returned and some of it was fatal.Brad was driving me crazy with food and such that I couldnt eat my favorite foods.I still have donuts,twinkies and brownies and I refuse at 61 to change my dietary habits all because of a chosen few.I refuse to go to the gym and jump around like a hynea to get a flat stomach.I feel good and my health is good and I don t have memory loss and such.I dont have any of the health problems that Sandi has but Sandi has brought it on her self because she likes nothing.Ever since she joined this yoga center...my best friend has become a nut.And i mean a nut and i just cant believe the change in her personality.I attend lectures and such but they are only subjects that I am interested in and I dont want anyone to convert me.now I can eat my favorite foods and eat when i want to.I dont need to be constantly lectured..so if you are into healthy living or are a vegan or vegetabian or such do me a favor--stay away..i have been thru hell with Brad from 2 months before his death and I saw the change in his personality.And I told Brad this..I eat meat and will continue to do so.All of these serial killers,Jeffrey Dahmer,Ted Bundy not to mention Jim Jones and Adolph Hilter did not have proper eating habits and this is one reasons for their down fall.Dont talk to me about food,,please....no more diets or exercise..please...I read 2 books a week and to go Barnes and Noble once a week and I read the paper everyday and subscripe to various newsletters.So I am well informed and keep in touch.I also subscripe to Scambusters...I read about every scam that is going on ..so dont try to con me out of my money and dont waste my time telling me a sob story like Brad...we have got goverment agencies in seattle and private organizations.We have got Work Source and various job training programs.We have got food banks,clothing banks and stores that give away free clothing.We have got goodwill and value village.Goodwill is hiring.so is Value Village.Home Depot.Macdonalds.Burger King.K Mart and such.We have various job fairs.Our economy is on the up swing because Microsoft is hiring and Boeing is buying a plant in South Carolina.I am on ssdi and i cant work full time.In fact.i cant work at all except at xmas time and such.Brad will never bully me about certain things again,neither will any man.I am off the market.I am not dating.I refuse.I am a full pledges single with a whole new life after 14 years and life is for the living..not the dead.I hope that Brad is at peace now and i hope that he realizes how much he hurt me.and guess what? OUt of his saving account..I got nothing.