I am going through hard time.

I am feeling very post tramatic stressed out.   I started my healing journey last year about this same time last year and I am crying a lot and I think it is a very satanic time of the month.  I  am glad I know what it is  and how to deal with it and glad I have support and I have a family that loves me.  I want to know my past and it frustrates me and makes me very angry about what was done to me.  The mind games , the people , the flashbacks and the nightmares.  I feel like people are gonna think I am weird and I do not want people to reject me.  I want to heal all parts of me. He has redeemed parts.  This time I feel that what if I find out about my life. Either I will be really depressed and disappointed and or redeemed and confident.  I will feel a sense a mourning and a sense of sadness.   I do not want my life to be for  nothing. I want it for a reason and for a purpose.  I believe it has.  I just feell like I have so much against me and I won't be able to keep up.  I feel like what will happen when everything is revealed to me somehow.  Will I just have time to rest and go to heaven to be with Jesus.  I know probably the post tramatic stress talking.  I hope.   The have a thing where they want to make it legal for pedophiles to say it is ok to have relationship sex with children in americal  The left is pulling for this.  I am soooo angry and upset about this and just want it not to happen.  I am so very blessed but so very sad and mourning for my life that was hurt sooo bad.  I do not want anyone to go through what I went through.  I wonder where all my children are .  some in heaven , some still here.  I want to know that they are ok and that God has been in there lives also. I want my  children to know Jesus as there personal Saviour.  He is our only hope!