I Am Feeling Suicidal Tonight For Some Reason
I don't understand it but I feel suicidal tonight. I have been carrying a heavy load lately. I suffer from severe depression but don't have any support yet. I have contracted a serious disease recently called C-diff and I also was diagnosed with hypothyroidism recently. I am taking medication for each. I have no friends or family to turn to. I live alone in a trailer. I am 50 years old. I don't want to die. But things have mounted up to the point I feel like I am either having a nervous breakdown or something. I don't think I would hurt myself, but there is a chance. I might overdose. I have no other means to hurt myself. I am thinking of call 9-1-1 but I don't want to go to the hospital and the psych ward and be with all those people. I just feel like I have reached a breaking point or something. It took tremendous strength even for me to turn on the computer and write my thoughts on this site, but it has been helpful to me. All I do is sleep. I have hardly any appetite and am losing weight. I am disabled from depression, for 17 years now. I can't stand this loneliness. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. Maybe I do need psychiatric care at this point, but I am resisting it, trying to hang in there as long as I can. I don't know what else to say. Anyone who has felt like this or felt suicidal and overcame it please respond. I need support BADLY. John
Replies
the first thing i would say was well done for telling someone on here second please please please get help fo to the doctor or hospital if you have gone this far i doubt if you will be able to recover wiith out medical help what will a few days in hospital be woth to you afew days to get better or a lifetime of what you are going thriugh now, you i take it you are on med for your illnesss what you are feling now could besomething as simple as the meds you are taking dont agreee with you so a trip to do or hospitla can sort that out i know you dont want to go to hospital no one does and i can see you are trying to stay out of there and get better on your own but i dint think that will work go get the help you need then you can write a journal saying how muc better you are feeling dont battle this on your own please