I am exhausted...

I am exhausted today, and so grateful that I will be off for the next 10 days, hopefully for a little R&R.

I dont feel like I have made any progress with my significant other... at all. He keeps saying we will work through this and get through everything, but he has mysteriously started cutting back on the communication efforts. I should be grateful, because this is what I want, but then I really feel like he is trying to use it to make a point that I dont care enough to be in touch with him, that he always does the communication. The thing is, for the last three weeks now, I have been the one to instigate any communication, and conversation, any talk. He hasnt left me messages anymore... but then he still wants me to come by his house, and spend time with him on the weekends so he can 'be' with me.

I am trying to look at this is a positive thing, because I have wanted the gradual disconnect, so that I can ultimately cut ties all together. This is my answer right here... he seems like he is either done too, or he has some plot or reason to all this. I really think I should use this as my time to get away and start over.

But I cant get out of the back of my mind, that this is some sort of test, or someway he is going to prove that I dont love or care enough... I dont know why that bothers me so much. I guess I will cut contact from him, and not talk to him until he comes to me.

We are supposed to spend Christmas Eve at his aunts house, but I dont plan to talk or go over there unless he gets in touch with me. These games are getting old. I wanted to have a normal healthy relationship where we both showed and knew we cared about each other... not these stupid games of who loves the other more. This is all starting to feel very childish to me, and I think I am just about over it... I think its time to be all about me for once.