I am crying again

No I am able to some extent control the crying but it still is so painful the tears come. I have not heard from daughter if she will be coming with me to visit her Grandmother's grave. It has always been a family affair, but I guess it will just have to only be me. Poor Grandma Pat she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment from her grand kids. I got a letter from my ex's lawyer saying there is no community property to divide. After 18 1/2 years of marriage, there is no community property???? Everything he kept with the house is of no value?? TV"S, appliances, furniture,books it is all trash and worthless according to his lawyer!! If it is all trash why does he want to keep it? All those years! My friend Dorothy says I must forget all of it and chalk it all up to a life experience and forget it  What did I do to deserve this treatment? Nothing. So it is just something I must accept. My ex's car is not at home for 3 days at a time, yet my daughter is there. Why is my ex doing all this?? She has no drivers license, no one to take her anywhere she might need to go. There is no grocery store with 3 miles. No bus service or other public transportation. Why am I the only one that sees this picture as not very good? Why does it still break my heart? Why can't I just get mad, and chalk it up to the reason I got this divorce. The man was not normal and never will be. But it is my children I cry for. Why do they have to live like they do? I didn't give birth and raise them the way I did to end up, weirdos! And that is what they now are. None of their old friends will have anything to do with them and their new ones are almost non existent. My son has no friends and the daughter can only count the boyfriend. Quite honestly the only reason she has the boyfriend is he wants to "get in her pants"! When that is no longer an issue he will go away. I am not a loner. That does not me I don't spend a lot of time alone. But I have friends and make new friends and acquaintances. My ex has one friend(and he is a fair weather type of friend!) and his mother and sister(they live in New Jersey and Alabama). There is no one but his friend that is even close enough to help him when he is in need. He relies on his children to be there for him. That is his business, but my children should not be brainwashed in to believing that having no friends is a good way to live your life and that your children should only be connected to their father. They should not believe that only their father and his family is their family. They should not believe that  because there was a divorce they should have nothing to do with their mother and her family. Yet that is how he is brainwashing them. He has said numerous times in therapy and other places that he was always afraid to leave the kids in close contact with my mother because he just knew she would pinch them! When asked if this ever happened, he would admit no, but he still couldn't take that chance so they were never allowed to visit my parents without him being there. But his mother, who ate her food out of baby food jars because her teeth has rotted her mouth so bad she was sick and her breath stank, she who put diapers on back wards as well as baby clothes, she who put plain sour cream on a plate and told her children it was whipped cream and yummy. She who quit driving when her son was 2 years old because she backed into a car in the parking lot of a grocery store, she is normal and healthy??!! My husband left the kids when he was visiting her(with out me of course!)and didn't even know she had taken them to photographer and had their picture taken until 10years later when my ex showed me a picture of his mother's apartment and there is this big 8x10 framed picture of my children. I had never seen this particular photo and realized it had not come from me, so when I pointed it out to him he became very upset at me, because I was always dragging up the past and it was JUST a picture! He didn't know she had had the picture taken until then. But my mother was so evil she might pinch the kids?????? I think he has a mental illness. Now my children will have the same out look on life. It is just too sad and pointless. Why did I ever give birth to those poor helpless children. I never intended for them to grow up in such a horrible family. But again this is life experience that I just have to accept and forget about. There is nothing I can do about anything.I absolutely HATE feeling like this. I HATE being so helpless and powerless.
I can't write any more right now, maybe later.