I Am Causing My Own Problems
Friday, July 31, 2009 - 1:05 PM What a week! There has been the usual amount of frustrations and irritations, but I am managing to get through them. I have also had to face up to the fact that I am causing some of my own problems. Something has been going on in my life for about a year, or more, that has been causing me an increasing amount of worry and anger. I have kept this a secret from everyone until I spoke with Dr. Martin about it this past Wednesday. A few months after I had my foot and leg injury, in December of 2007, my personal care provider came to me saying that she was in a lot of pain. She asked if she could have one of my painkillers. While I knew better than to share medications with other people, I did not think it would hurt to let her have one pill. I gave her one of my pills, thinking that would be the end of it. As it turned out, I was wrong. Ever since that fateful day, this person has returned to me every week or two complaining of her pain, and asking if she could have another of my pills. Unfortunately, I have always agreed. I have told her repeatedly to go to the ER or see a doctor about her pain. She has always told me that her doctor gave her a prescription for medicine, but that she could not afford to get it. There have been other times when she said that she was going to get the medicine, and that she would repay me for whatever I had given her. That has never happened. I do not mind helping other people, but I cannot continue to give her my medication indefinitely. She has begun taking so much of my medicine, that there are months when I run short, and barely have enough for myself. To be quite honest, I have also begun to wonder if she may not have been the person who stole some of my medicine. She gets it for me at the pharmacy, and knows where I keep it in my apartment. Within the last two weeks, she informed me that she told the pharmacist not to let anyone but her pick up my medicine. I never authorized her to do that, and now I have to go to the pharmacy myself and try to get that situation straightened out. Her intentions may have been good, or not, but she should not have taken it upon herself to do this. When I told Dr. Martin about this, she said I needed to correct the situation immediately upon this person's return to work, rather than waiting for her to ask me for some more. Dr. Martin suggested that I tell my personal care provider I did not want to offend or hurt her, but that I could no longer let her have any of my medicine because I needed it for myself. I do not like confrontations, so this is going to be somewhat hard for me to do. Giving her one pill and now and then did not bother me too much, but now she has started asking for two or more pills at a time. It is not only one day a week, but it has now increased to where she is asking for pills two or three days a week. In addition to decreasing the amount of pills I have for myself, her actions have begun making me angry with her. I suspect this is adding to my sense of frustration with my life. After having been gone for the past week due to a neck infection, she is due to return to work tomorrow morning. I hope that I can somehow find the willpower to tell her that I will not be letting her have any more of my medicine.
Replies
Hi Jim I know you are a kind giving and caring person. But the fact is she is most probably a drug addict and is taking advantage of you. Dr Martin is right!!! You must not let the situation go on. I know you\'re strong enough to do what you need to do. Good Luck and Many Hugs-Stephanie
If she\'s not taking them, she\'s selling them?
If it were me who was in your chair, what would you tell me to do, and without hesitation?
Maybe it\'s your journalist hat you need, objective and on the side of right.
She put herself in this position by asking too, so don\'t worry too much about her feelings. Don\'t me mean on purpose, just stay objective, that what has been going on is wrong and dangerous, and it has to stop.
I fear for your safety there sometimes Jim.
Dude... Move here.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
\"But the fact is she is most probably a drug addict and is taking advantage of you.\"
I\'ve thought a lot about that possibility. I think she once told me that she used to be an alcoholic, so drug addiction could fit in as well. I sure am talented when it comes to getting myself caught up in big messes.
\"If it were me who was in your chair, what would you tell me to do, and without hesitation?\"
Maybe, uh, get rid of her?
\"She put herself in this position by asking too, so don\'t worry too much about her feelings.\"
She\'s been extremely good to me, but I know for a fact that she lied to her agency about how that accident happened. She insisted that the man would not LET her help him get me out of bed. When they asked me what happened, I said she just stood to the side with her arms crossed.
\"I fear for your safety there sometimes Jim.\"
Yeah, me too. Thank you for caring.
\"Dude... Move here.\"
Believe it or not, I have had a lot of days recently when I\'ve actually given it some serious thought, but I can\'t always run away from problems - or my family. Darn it!!!
Don\'t run away...run to....move dude, move.
Friends like Weebs are forever.
Pretend it was Weebs or Sam or any of your friends that was in this position with a caregiver.
I can\'t claim to know what you would exactly say. But, if I was making a guess, I would assume your \" Get rid of her NOW. \" would be more like it.
Get rid of her, \" dude . \"
Anyone that has done the things she has chosen to do shows herself as one of weak character with controlling and manipulative intent.
She lies..
She controls you....as in the situation with the pharmacist.
Say, can\'t you call the head pharmacist from your home and discuss this with him ? It would save you a trip to the store.
For me, I would tell him that anybody but her can pick up my meds.
I am glad Dr. Martin is now involved. I am glad you told her about it.
Confrontation anxiety or not, you have to nail this girl.
You know it, too.
You are just too nice..that is your problem...too nice.
Ya want a me and the Weebs ta drive out there and straighten her out ?
I would make a John Wayne sounding noise like...\" YA haaa ,\" but don\'t think I can manage to type one out. YA haaaa.
Jim I think You know what You have to do and it\'s hard but My Friend you can\'t give out your Meds to her. My GF was the same way it started with one and before I knew it I was out of my Meds. Your too Good to her and now Shes taking advantage of You. Please Put a Stop to it and I think You might start feeling better too. this may be bringing you down? Anyway Brother I just think Your a good Guy and would hate to see You be Hurt Like this!! Good Luck Dan
I don\'t know if I could get rid of her. I\'m really trying to ask myself this question when I encounter things like you do: \"What is life trying to teach me?\"
I think in this case, it\'s that you need to say NO. NO, I cannot give you any more of MY meds. This could be approached from a place of compassion. I do believe drug addicts are self-medicating so she is in pain. We can totally understand that, having conquered some addictions ourselves.
I think you are in a position to make a big difference in this woman\'s life. Not that it\'s your job, Jim, but I get the sense that you care about her. If I\'m off base then getting rid of her is the best way to go about it.
Part of her subconcsious could be wanting you to say no to her. I know you will handle this well. I worry that you think it\'s brought on by you. I don\'t see that at all. It\'s brought on by her and her pain. The only thing you can do is ensure your own safety.
\"She controls you....as in the situation with the pharmacist.\"
I went to the drug store and got that straightened out. From now on, if I send someone to get medicine for me, they need to have my State ID with them. If additional proof that they are there to get something I need, the pharmacy will call me.
\"Don\'t run away...run to....move dude, move.
Friends like Weebs are forever.\"
Yeah, I know that, which is a good reason why I should NOT move there. I want to keep her as a friend, and not scare her away. lol
\"I think in this case, it\'s that you need to say NO. NO, I cannot give you any more of MY meds.\"
Sam, you are exactly right. I\'m going to try telling her that in a few hours.
\"Your too Good to her and now Shes taking advantage of You. Please Put a Stop to it and I think You might start feeling better too. this may be bringing you down?\"
This has been worrying me for months, and I need it to end right now, Dan. If I can bring that about, peacefully, I think it will go a long way toward helping me feel better. If she doesn\'t cooperate, I already have a possible replacement in mind, but I\'d prefer not to lose her unless absolutely necessary.
I\'m with you on that Jim I sure hope all works out this is a hard one. I too have been in her shoes when I was addicted I would try and get what I needed from who ever I was able to until everyone I knew put a stop to it and then I got help. Now it\'s a year and 9 months later and I\'m still going strong the best thing that ever happen to me I wish you all the Luck with Her I hope it works out so She can stay Take Care My Friend .
Dan