I Am Causing My Own Problems

Friday, July 31, 2009 - 1:05 PM What a week! There has been the usual amount of frustrations and irritations, but I am managing to get through them. I have also had to face up to the fact that I am causing some of my own problems.   Something has been going on in my life for about a year, or more, that has been causing me an increasing amount of worry and anger. I have kept this a secret from everyone until I spoke with Dr. Martin about it this past Wednesday.   A few months after I had my foot and leg injury, in December of 2007, my personal care provider came to me saying that she was in a lot of pain. She asked if she could have one of my painkillers. While I knew better than to share medications with other people, I did not think it would hurt to let her have one pill. I gave her one of my pills, thinking that would be the end of it. As it turned out, I was wrong.   Ever since that fateful day, this person has returned to me every week or two complaining of her pain, and asking if she could have another of my pills. Unfortunately, I have always agreed. I have told her repeatedly to go to the ER or see a doctor about her pain. She has always told me that her doctor gave her a prescription for medicine, but that she could not afford to get it. There have been other times when she said that she was going to get the medicine, and that she would repay me for whatever I had given her. That has never happened.   I do not mind helping other people, but I cannot continue to give her my medication indefinitely. She has begun taking so much of my medicine, that there are months when I run short, and barely have enough for myself.   To be quite honest, I have also begun to wonder if she may not have been the person who stole some of my medicine. She gets it for me at the pharmacy, and knows where I keep it in my apartment.   Within the last two weeks, she informed me that she told the pharmacist not to let anyone but her pick up my medicine. I never authorized her to do that, and now I have to go to the pharmacy myself and try to get that situation straightened out. Her intentions may have been good, or not, but she should not have taken it upon herself to do this.   When I told Dr. Martin about this, she said I needed to correct the situation immediately upon this person's return to work, rather than waiting for her to ask me for some more. Dr. Martin suggested that I tell my personal care provider I did not want to offend or hurt her, but that I could no longer let her have any of my medicine because I needed it for myself. I do not like confrontations, so this is going to be somewhat hard for me to do. Giving her one pill and now and then did not bother me too much, but now she has started asking for two or more pills at a time. It is not only one day a week, but it has now increased to where she is asking for pills two or three days a week.   In addition to decreasing the amount of pills I have for myself, her actions have begun making me angry with her. I suspect this is adding to my sense of frustration with my life. After having been gone for the past week due to a neck infection, she is due to return to work tomorrow morning. I hope that I can somehow find the willpower to tell her that I will not be letting her have any more of my medicine.