I Am Angry Today!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 – 3:35 P.M. I went to physical therapy this morning and got more traction for the scoliosis. After that, my therapist started stretching my legs and bending them at the knees. By the time I got home, my pain had increased from a level of two back up to seven. The transportation agency I use is making life hard for me again. I called and said I had a medical appointment on Thursday, and needed to be there by 10:15 A.M. I was told they would pick me up between 9:45 and 10:15. I asked how they expected ANY driver to up and get me to my appointment at the SAME time I am supposed to be there. The woman just repeated the same times again. This is nothing but sheer stupidity! I am still upset about seeing my social worker yesterday. He told me to “let go” of the things that have been bothering me. That is ridiculous! After being sexually abused, raped, and undergoing various different kinds of horrible, sexual perversions several times against my will, how am I supposed to “let go?” I cannot do that. Quotes for Success: “Motivating gets you going and habit gets you there. Make motivating a habit and you will get there more quickly and have more fun on the trip.” Zig Ziglar
Replies
I think a therapist\'s definition of \'let go\' and our definition,
are two entirely different things.
However, maybe he means that you won\'t be able to work well through this if you hang on to the anger. Maybe, you have to step back a little and say, ok, this makes me sad/angry/hurt and just identify stuff.
I don\'t know...
I also think \'let go\' doesn\'t mean forget. If you forget, you can\'t identify the things that hurt you, so you can work on them.]
Again, I don\'t know.
Hugs and Mojo to you Jim,
Weebs xoxoxoxoxo
He is talking about letting go as it pertains to loss - as in \"loss of a job, a major financial loss, or any personal setback.\" (This came from a chapter in a book he uses. The chapter is named, \"Am I Having Difficulty Letting Go?\") It talks about persons who have had addictive behavior, and that sometimes a person\'s inability to cope with loss \"can put him/her at risk of relapsing into addictive behavior to deal with painful emotions.\"
The chapter goes on to talk about losses that are unresolved.There is a list of signs that may indicate that I am dealing with loss (old or new). Out of the list of 22, I can identify with all of them. :(
I guess that just about says it all for tonight.
Jim
I don\'t understand this at all, Jim. Not at all.
I feel he is being irresponsible. I feel he is pushing you in a direction you aren\'t ready to go in yet. I have no doubt you will \"let go\" in your own time. I can tell you aren\'t the type of person to hang on to unnecessary baggage. In fact, you are better than most people at \"letting go\". I really don\'t like this Dale guy at all.
Maybe I don\'t know you as well as I think but you don\'t really seem to have a problem with addictions either. I know you WERE addicted to drugs. I know you have been clean for a long time and that should be celebrated. I think you were simply self medicating. Now you are replacing that bad habit with good habits. It\'s a process. Its not easy yet he makes it sound so easy, doesn\'t he?
Maybe the loss you are feeling is the loss of brain cells because this dumbass is sucking them out of you?
Those losses you mention (job, financial, personal setback) are losses that are within the normal range of human experience. Sexual abuse, exploitation, and rape should never be within the normal range.
If you came across a cat or dog who had suffered such abuse, how would you treat it? I would be calm and kind and make the animal feel safe. I wouldn\'t tell it to \'let go\'. Jeesh. I\'m mad at this guy. His behavior is dangerous. I think he\'s kicking you while you are down. It\'s that therapeutic approach I despise so much. I\'m very grateful you are logical enough to see how you are right and he is wrong. I don\'t know I\'d have that ability with a therapist. I don\'t know many that would.
I am noticing a cycle with you, Jim. I\'ll bet you are getting ready to write more of your story. I hope it\'s getting easier for you with time.
I\'m sorry the physical pain is back. I think once you write another chapter of your story it might get worse. Hopefully I\'m wrong. Even so, the good days will start to become more frequent and this anger could motivate you.
Dale doesn\'t understand. That is crystal clear. Be careful with him.
No matter what I may make him sound like, Dale has been good to me. Someone I know thinks he is trying to make me angry intentionally, and to then start yelling about it, because none of the other therapists there have been able to make me \"blow up.\" I tend to agree. At least six of them have tried without success. I think they want to actually, see and hear, me when I get angry.
One more thing about Dale. I have not gone into much detail with him about my sexual abuse and rape, so he really can\'t be blamed for not seeing the whole picture.
Yes, Sam, I am getting close to writing more of my \"story\" on the PTSD board. How did you figure that out? I am uncomfortable with most of what I have written (afraid of losing friends), but I need to move forward and get rid of as much trash as I can. If I lose many friends, then they weren\'t real friends to begin with.
You always get a little down and then you write. Then you feel worse after writing and then you feel better for a bit. I\'ve been noticing the cycle. I hope it helps you to notice it.
I\'m glad you are keeping it all in perspective.
You won\'t lose me as a friend, Jim. You possess the traits that I value most in others. Courage, integrity, and an understanding of what it\'s like to suffer.