i am alive
I am alive. I am here for a good reason, aplan from above. Somtimes we dont always understand why. But god has his plans for me. I am a loving person. My reassons are not of my own but gods reasons
Jesus died for me, a sinner. My mom and dad made me on earth. They were married and made me soon after they were married they had me a year later. My dad an mom were so happy to have me. My dad held me where he went. Then 11 months later had my sister, boy were they busy. I think of that. Why we are! I am so happy to know i was made. Jesus had his plans for me. I wasnt always a easy child, but then my mom wasnt always safe to be around. She would takes us were ever she went, but when we were at home, she would be in bed, alot. She would say she always had a headache. I remember being a little , little girl, going in the bathroom and giving mom cold wash cloths for her forhead. I remeber her throwing up. I remember hrr taking medicine. But then, I remember her having drinks, of course with alcohol in them. I remember het letting us have sips of her drinks. She would try to cook dinner, but would always leave a mess.
I remeber her dumpimg baskets of clean clothes on my bed and I would have to sleep in them. I rembrt being sick, my dad would put rubbing alcohol on me to bring down my fever. Oh how i hate that smell. I remebrt mom making chicken soup. And we would eat it for days. I remembet parties. I rember my cousins. I rembet Christmas, with the drinking and the smoking, i rembet my moms dad , and hrt aunt marie, how we used to sit on phone books at the big fancy table. All these things are of my childhood. I remember me and my sister fighting, kicking biting slaping each othet. Boy how we didnt like each other.I don't think i will ever really have a real sister, but you know, thats ok, cause I have a husdand, 3 boys, a house, taken cared of and clean. God , Jesus loves me. I grew up a hard way but I am ok. I am ok. And I will grow old. I AM 50 I look foward to grandchildren some day. I pray all of my sons to have someone to love in there lives. I put them through stuff too. Not wanting to live a couple times, I know it hurt them, and i am so sorry, but i am no way perfect. But i always was home, there for them, caring for them even when i wad sick. I did and still do for them what i have to do. My purpose . That is it. To be for them, even though i am not perfect, dont always know what to say right, but i love, deeply. Caring for what evet they need till i die, i am ok being mom. Thats me!
Jesus died for me, a sinner. My mom and dad made me on earth. They were married and made me soon after they were married they had me a year later. My dad an mom were so happy to have me. My dad held me where he went. Then 11 months later had my sister, boy were they busy. I think of that. Why we are! I am so happy to know i was made. Jesus had his plans for me. I wasnt always a easy child, but then my mom wasnt always safe to be around. She would takes us were ever she went, but when we were at home, she would be in bed, alot. She would say she always had a headache. I remember being a little , little girl, going in the bathroom and giving mom cold wash cloths for her forhead. I remeber her throwing up. I remember hrr taking medicine. But then, I remember her having drinks, of course with alcohol in them. I remember het letting us have sips of her drinks. She would try to cook dinner, but would always leave a mess.
I remeber her dumpimg baskets of clean clothes on my bed and I would have to sleep in them. I rembrt being sick, my dad would put rubbing alcohol on me to bring down my fever. Oh how i hate that smell. I remebrt mom making chicken soup. And we would eat it for days. I remembet parties. I rember my cousins. I rembet Christmas, with the drinking and the smoking, i rembet my moms dad , and hrt aunt marie, how we used to sit on phone books at the big fancy table. All these things are of my childhood. I remember me and my sister fighting, kicking biting slaping each othet. Boy how we didnt like each other.I don't think i will ever really have a real sister, but you know, thats ok, cause I have a husdand, 3 boys, a house, taken cared of and clean. God , Jesus loves me. I grew up a hard way but I am ok. I am ok. And I will grow old. I AM 50 I look foward to grandchildren some day. I pray all of my sons to have someone to love in there lives. I put them through stuff too. Not wanting to live a couple times, I know it hurt them, and i am so sorry, but i am no way perfect. But i always was home, there for them, caring for them even when i wad sick. I did and still do for them what i have to do. My purpose . That is it. To be for them, even though i am not perfect, dont always know what to say right, but i love, deeply. Caring for what evet they need till i die, i am ok being mom. Thats me!
Replies
Well I know what Brenda at work would say: she\'d say you have gifts from God, of inclusion and compassion, and if you want to use those gifts, then God will show you a way. I\'m not religious but I think that\'s true anyway; maybe you have the mission of caring for the sick and needy? Had you ever thought of volunteering at your church to visit the sick in hospital, or caregive? Not now - you\'re having a hard time with the teeth and whatnot, but when you\'re up and at \'em again?
xx. :)
Right now i care for my mom and dad twice a week. And its hard seeing them get older. My dad h.s 2 tubes in his stomach and cant eat or drink. My mom has diabetes and is in remission fro lukiemia. But she sleeps alot, has oxygen for copd. Sometimes i worry about her leaving the stove on, its hard. My boys still need me at home, i think thats wete my husband likes me at home. I wanted to volunteer at the local animal shelter. I love animals especially dogs. I just dont know if i can commit. Thats hard right now for me to do . I am a commited daughter, wife and mom of course. I dont know if i am able to handle doing anything else. It scares me.
I wasn\'t sure if I was capable of being a mom, a wife & a best friend AND volunteering. I\'ve now been volunteering for 2.5-3 hrs a week (not a lot but something) at our local hospital for 6 years!! Holy moly. I was so unsure at first but it has really made my life better - it helps get me out of the house and into the world (which terrifies me!). It\'s really been a blessing. I work with wonderful women, mostly doing data entry, but that\'s okay. I know it\'s scary at first but as time goes on, it becomes more and more routine. Big hugs!
God and Jesus are smiling on you because you are a good daughter.
I love this journal because you are thinking on good things. Paul said in Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Your are a wonderful, Wife, Mom and Daughter; AMEN to what your said I BIG HUG your way!!
it was very good that you could put that all out there ..you have made choices and are happy ..on average with those choices ....and you know ..how importint God is ...in our lives ....how he can give us strength ...and answers ...and help when we are in need if we can lissen ...for him ...with that understanding it is ok to be who you are ...that will help you go a long way to recovery ....doesent mean you won\'t have hard times ..just that ...you have ...some very big shoulders to lean on ....I have always belived in God ...and the power of prayer ...and I keep you in my prayers ...take care ..God bless