I am abstinent!
Well I havn't written on here for a while, and the last time I wrot, I think I wanted to off myself because of my family. But since my last post, things have been going very awesomly! When I got home from my disasterous trip I spent two weeks feeling sorry for myself (As is expected) I fely hopeless and I was thinking to myself what the point is of living. It is such a shame how families can make others feel and not even realize it! Then I actually decided to go to OA. It gave me a ton of hope...especially when on that same night, everyone it seemed have had something horrible happen, or they felt horrible, and I felt like they were all my family. After that moment, I decided to take action I wrote goals and action plans, I looked for a job, and God jut blessed me so much! I found a job that has to do with my profession, nutrition. I got the job, but I felt really bad about it becaise I felt like such a hypocrite. I went to a meeting and after the meeting I decided I was never going to puke again. It made such a difference for me to say "I will not ppuke today" Than saying "I will not binge and purge." Usually when I try to be abstinent, I quit whenever I am feeling like I overate. This would count as a binge, and I would always keep going. Now, I realized that I have the freedom to overeat if I want too (usually im not really overeating its mainly in my head). That freedom is so awesome. Imagine, eating what I want to eat, and not having to worry that I'mm overdoing it! The main reason why I am working so hard is because I have goals in life that I can't accomplish without beating ED. I wouldn't be able to keep my dream job! I wouldn't be able to take classes, and swim (my fave sport) and make new friends. My job has really helped. We sell a lot of different health products, and I have been taking them and they are awesome. Now I eat 3 meals a day, and I make 3 smoothies a day for snacks with all the vitimins I need. It is amazing!I also take appetite suppresants, but it is all natural (mainly garlic) and it doesn't make me starve myself, it makes me stop eating when I feel out of control. It also regulate blood sugar so now I don't have the urge for enough sugar to feed a 3rd world country. I am off soda for the first time in...I don't know how long! I usually drink two liters a day...now I drink zero! well, I wanted to share this with who ever will read it. There is hope! But it is also hard work. I cry all the time because I don't know what to do with the extra emotions I stuffed down. I even cry when I am excited or happy. It's annoying, but it beats puking. What helped for me, and I want to share this with you all, is writing down my goals. Writing every single goal in my life I could possibly imagine, and then writing down how long I think it would take. I realize with ed, all the goals I had were absolete, I wouldn't have been able to make even the smallest goal that would take like...a day. I am now officially a wellness counselor YAY!!!! and I want to share my services with all of you who have supported me and who struggle. Seriously, e-mail me if you need hope, or answers, or a friend, ANYTHING! You all on here are like my family! Lots of hugs, and love,Dominique
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