I am a liar

I have a problem with telling the truth . Little white lies turn into nasty dark battles that eat away my insides . Im looking for help , I'm looking for a way out . I am seeking help because I desperately need it . I don't want to lie anymore about me doing drugs behind people back . I've been sober off of cocaine for almost two months very proud of myself but now I just need to stop smoking weed . I've been in a two year relationship with my boyfriend who I adore so much . I have never loved anyone else they way I do him . The only thing that kills me is that I am lying to him about never cheating on him , I've been lying to him about how I'm such a good girlfriend when I'm not . I have disobeyed him, betrayed him and I can't live with it anymore . I don't want to tell him but just like everything else done in the dark comes to light . I understand that but some lights don't reveal everything, we still deal with some shady parts . Lately I've been losing my mind , thinking crazy shit and again lying for no reason , I don't want this to be apart of my life anymore . I want to be able to be honest not only with others but myself as well . I need to over come my fears and just let all these negative things I hold inside of me go . I need to let everything negative go .