HYSTERICALLY FUNNY

June 2008 OK, I am prepared to give a speech for a friend of mine regarding diet, health, and the dangers of artificial sweeteners with documentation to back it up.  Hubby had been in a hurry to go and I again reminded him that I had this speech to give and he assured me we would have plenty of time to do the errands and me make my speech. So I pack my clothes, etc. into the vehicle with the intention of arriving early at the facility and changing clothes. Suddenly, I realize, I forgot to pack my makeup. No problem, I will just stop at Big Lots or Dollar General and pick up the make up basics for the speech. Hubby is really pushing the time limit thing and on top of this there is road construction going on. OK, so I dart into Dollar General and buy the smallest make up basics and run back to the vehicle because hubby had “just one more stop, we have plenty of time.” No, we did not!!!!!! So, now we are running late, I am trapped in road construction and I have no choice but to dress as discreetly as possible in the back seat of a moving vehicle swerving through road construction!  I am in the back seat trying to wiggle and shimmy DISCREETLY into a skirt then remove my pants. Yeah me! I did it and no one was the wiser. Next into panty hose and put on high heels. People, I was shimming and shaking and pulling more than a hula dancer with a grass skirt on fire! But, finally, success! Next the top. Now, you put the second top on over the first top and shimmy out of the first top so that the second top keeps all things covered. TA-DA. Again success. Ok, I am now “dressed” crookedly, but dressed and we arrive where I am to speak. I have 10 minutes for make up and adjusting my outfit. I get to the restroom and wouldn’t you know….I drop the new all in one powder foundation and yes, it shatters all over the bathroom floor! Great. Back up plan, no problem. Use the cover stick for under the eyes all over as foundation and go for the blush, eye liner, lipstick, etc. Straighten crooked clothes, clean up floor and I walk out smiling to greet my friend for whom I am to speak.  She took one look at me and said “You look so pretty.” I just about died laughing and told her, “Yes, this is what you get when you dress in the back of a van moving through road construction.” She thought I was joking and I assured her I WAS NOT! Gave speech with success and the trauma of road construction dressing doesn’t even show. TA-DA!