Hyper-Drive
My thoughts slid into hyper-drive during the sudoku portion of my wake up ritual. So far, the subject of the thought loops has been pretty focused and clear, but my heavily theraputed reaction to thought loops is to focus more on the symptom than the subject. My hyper-drive thought loops spin out of control so easily that they are as dangerous as a missile launched from an unstable base. It don't matter how Right the writing on the missle is. It will still hurt like a father fuck when it hits its random target. Nag flags a-wavin'. . . Salutations in progress.
The pressure centers in my skull are currently shifting a ways above my left ear. Yes, Dear, they are all in my head. Even the most critical parts of my ears. A place for everything and everything in its place. Detaching the dynamic drama looping in my head from the pressure centers, I might guess that the sinus blockages are in motion. 'Tis the season. . .
The subject of the thought loop is of the other grandparents coming up here to pick a fight which they can carry into court as proof that we plan to cut them out of the children's lives. Girl howdy, that racetrack has allot of oil slicks on it! ! ! Get the track clean up crew out here on the double. YESTERDAY, DAGNABIT! ! ! Get the office started on tracking down Atticus Finch, ASAP.
Breathing. . .
Testing, one, two, three. . . Have I calmed enough to finish sudoku?
Not sure about the mood indicator. . . The vascillations are running the full spectrum. I reckon "okay" is the median. Were it available, I'd choose the rapid cycling icon. Saluting all Nag Flags.
Replies
Nasty loops. I get them too, though I’m not sure if it’s the symptoms or the cause I hyper focus on. I suppose it depends on my mood that day.
PS. I love sudoku and it’s also part of my morning routine along with word fills that help reboot my brain and override my mild dyslexia I wake up with.
I can empathize with your current loop about GPs coming to pick a fight. For the last two months as the holidays approach I’ve been getting stuck in a similar loop regarding my cousin and what will come of the approaching holiday reunion.
In my case, my loops of anticipating a major confrontation with my cousin during the holidays is based more on assumption and unresolved resentment over part conflicts than actual likelihood.
I wonder my friend, Could your current loop be more just an assumption of conflict or just the honest realization that some people are just going to stir up the dung heap because they can? Just a thought.
I’ve had my own ugly runs with in-laws pulling “poor me” & the “not getting our rights” BS to know that even if it’s just a premonition of what’s to come, it’s a logical almost certainty that drama & conflict is on route.
Saluting the “Nag Flags” with you my friend. Show that sudoku who’s the master and keep breathing, Arfie.
I believe in you, and have confidence that you’ll do what is needed and “let god lead” you through the rest of the steps.
Hugs & love
I grow ever more convinced that analyzing the content of my thought loops is an abuse of my analytical talents. There are often critical grains of truth and/or portent in them, but those grains are easily lost in the chaos. The ones worth nurturing will still be there after I calm the chaos of the thought loops. Kinda like waiting until the storm passes before you inventory the trees in the orchard.
Yea, showing up to pick fights is another holiday classic. That was a recurring theme in how December became one long childhood trauma anniversaries for me. . . Onward through the fog. . . Ho to the ho of the ho'in ho. . .
Hm-m-m-m. . . Is there a rap song in that one?
If there isn’t a rap song yet, I’m sure together we could come up with one that works, Arfie.
Since starting DBT therapy, I’ve begun to reach a similar conclusion about abuse of analytical talents. I found, though quite beneficial, my already hyper-introspective-analytical brain didn’t need another excuse to take examining my thoughts and symptoms beyond what is healthy. Being “TOO INTROSPECTIVE” has been one of my life long nemeses. Hence certain parts of the DBT program were more detrimental than helpful.
Thankfully I have a very wise therapist who recognized those dangers right away, which became a major dramatic conflict between her and the rest of the DBT team unfortunately. Luckily she’s moved on to different pastures and I’ve followed her.
I have found that eventually if I don’t give into over analyzing my symptoms and causes when in a certain “State of Mind”, and let it go, when I’m in a more rational state they still come slinking back like a prodigal son and they’re much easier to handle at that point.
Searching music files for possible sources of raps..., lol.
Hugs and Love, Arfie.
In my daily inventory, "Hyper-anything" is one of the meanest of my psycho nag flags. Given the extent of my hyper-drive, I need to address it as an independent symptom, whatever the dash of the hyper. ALL of my talents are abused to absurdity in hyper-drive. I am a seriously hyper witch. Once I calm my hyper-drive, channeling of the underlying yaddahs becomes possible.
But, again, each healing journey is unique.
Hope you don't mind if I pass on the poetic collaboration, even under the "rap" label. I love reading rap poetry, but the woofer drone of classic rap started wearing on me before the end of the 80's. Do you folks know any melodies? I guess not. There is now such a thing as "Classic Rap." End of innovation.
On the poetry end of that spectrum, there is considerable room to speculate that poetry was my original speech defect. In the late 50's and early 60's when I was *supposed* to be developing my cognitive speech, poetry that rhymed was a fashion faux pas. I received much harsh criticism when everything I said kept coming out in rhyme. In short, poetry is one of my psycho snot knots. I don't play well with others in the here and now.
I get what you say about how it would be helpful for there to be a rapid cycling icon on DS, arfie. I could use one like that, too, and then one that blurs several moods together, because sometimes that happens, too. I feel more than one mood at once. Takes a lot to sort, believe me.
The space in between my ears is seldom organized enough for such simple clarity, but. . . Working with what is available has been an essential part of my recovery road. I'm not sure more variable emoticons is enough to stop the show over. Feels kinda cathartic to vent the frustration instead of just clicking a blue circle.