Husband is transitioning
I've been married for 10 years now and I knew he liked wearing women's clothes from time to time. But now he is a full time women and is going to start HRT very soon. I feel my husband, that I love dearly is now gone. He now calls himself a lesbian (I am not) and I am having all kinds of emotional issues dealing with the change. I am not leaving the marriage, but my husband is gone. I am so lost right now if I think about it it brings me to tears. I am lost.
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I just found out yesterday after 25 years married 3 sons 2 grandkids that my husband my HS sweetheart feels feminine inside. My 19 year old son came out as GAY over a year ago after having a girlfriendd and now is dating boys. My husbands brother is Gay and he has 2 gay cousins that are into men. We have the perfect romance, like the notebook. He takes such care of me and our love is so deep. Now I feel like hearing this a part of me has dies and that the man I always knew is really a woman inside. Its like there are 3 people in this relationship now. He said he will NOT transition he will just bury this, like he has for his whole life and for the sake of our family and me. I feel alone and have NO one to talk to but him. He grew his hair, nails and I found lash and brow serum which made me really start questioning what is going on here. Which is how I found out after questioning him what was going one. Hes a former US Marine. ALL MALE on the outside. The hair growth I was told was for acting roles which is partly true but he likes it and has its straightened . He has more hair products than me. He said when we met as teens that he thought I was the fix for those feelings. He says when we are together he is all male but he has these feminine thoughts. he said he is NOT GAY he is turned on by women so I feel like that he is saying he is female in a male body which would make him a lesbian. He basically sounds like if it wasn't for the life we have he would transition but his fear of losing it all keeps him from ever doing it. I am 100% straight into men and have always been the aggressor when it comes to intimacy. If I didn't we probably wouldn't have it much. In his 30s I noticed a complete decline in our sex life. I always thought is he cheating on me. However i do believe that has NEVER happened. It is just the keeping this from me and marrying me knowing he had this. He said hes happy with me cant live without me. I cant live without him but I want male inside and OUT. I think he will keep the out for the most part but I dont know what to do. ive been in a daze all day. I cant stop crying. Again I cant tell the family or my kids I am keeping this only to him and me and now any person out there that is in my boat that can talk to anonymously.