Hurting and Scared

I get so scared of my future. I think about how I will go on living like this. This life has been so painful for me. It hurts sometimes just during the day. I have to distract myself. I like playing games with my mom because it makes it harder to think of all these bad thoughts. I start thinking about how scared I am about living. I am so scared of how I will keep living this life.
 
Goal: I've lost a few pounds but I haven't cut back on anything. I've stopped caring about what I look like. It doesn't bother me that i'm fat as much anymore.